Change Your Mindset - Experience Hope

This poster, which someone posted to Facebook last year, is a great reminder to think about how we talk about life as it happens to us or around us.  Do you, like I, sometimes catch yourself feeling as though there is no end to the troubles or no way you can accomplish something?  Have you ever been stuck in any of the feelings on the white squares?  I know I have, sometimes for several days at a time. If you are anything like me, those feelings and words are energy draining.   

So, what do I do? I look around me for the good. It is always there, waiting for me to acknowledge that hope exists.  Then I, as this suggests, change the words I use.  In my experience you can't describe something good in a negative way.   Once I find something good in the circumstances, hope seems to expand to crowd out the negative and gratitude soon follows  

Would you mind if I share a few examples? Thank you.    

• I don't understand why my daughter must be sick so much, it doesn't seem fair.  On the other side, isn't it wonderful that she is here as an extra source of love for other family members?
• I give up.  My books aren't selling as I want. I can't write consistently because family circumstances keep getting in the way. However, writing feels exciting. Writing is one way I can reach out to others and offer encouragement. If my words touch one person to make their day a little better my efforts are of worth.  
• I can't make this any better.  Maybe I can't today and that is okay.  If I stop, for a moment and reflect, I recognize that what I have is already of value, already good.  If it weren't I wouldn't care about changing it. The good in the moment is the belief that change is possible. 
• I'm not good at this. Really? Not good or didn't I get the result I expected.  The good is I tried and learned. I may have learned something new or I may have learned something about myself, my wants, needs or feelings.  So maybe I wasn't as good as someone else in this subject or project, but I am good at learning, and can now make an informed choice whether to continue or try something else. 

I hope you will take a few moments to think about how your words affect you and how you can change how you use words.  Challenge yourself to change your mindset from negative to positive, from limiting to encouragement.   Let me know how it works for you. 

 

Sometimes- Do What's Best for You

Sometimes you have to do whats best for you and your life not what's best for everyone else.



This is really appropriate for me right now.  It is a reminder to fill my own bucket with love and good moments so that I have a reserve I can use for others.

For me, that means I work on getting some of my stories ready to publish and not worry about whether the house is in the best shape it could be. It means I don't feel guilty about taking myself to lunch at an inexpensive restaurant.  It means I choose to not feel guilty about going to see my parents because it means the family will need to wait an extra hour or two for dinner.  It means getting up early to take a bubble bath alone, lighting only a single candle and playing some soothing music.  It means buying a new CD to listen to on the way to work instead of the news or traffic reports.   It even means volunteering to be on the board of the HOA. (OK, that one will take some explaining at a later date.)

So why are these little breaks and changes important to me?  Because they evoke a change. A relaxing bath alone allows me to relax muscles tightening from stress or pent up feelings.  A soothing bath for me is the best place to allow tears to flow and mingle with the calm around me.  When I emerge from the tub, I am relaxed and  can handle the interruptions and demands with more patience and understanding instead of instantly reacting.  Taking myself to lunch interrupts the pressures and stress of an especially frantic, eventful day. The hour it takes to be served and eat allows enough time to focus on something beside the office politics. I can back away from the issues and see where or with whom the problem lies and disengage myself  from trying to make everything better or take blame for something that wasn't my problem in the first place.  I can then return to work, be more supportive of finding a solution and look at options instead of just reacting to what was said or done.     Whenever I visit  my parents, I always seem to leave with a feeling that I can handle whatever life throws me.  It is not always something they necessarily say or do, but when I see them I am reminded that struggles come and go, and all we really need to do is just keep doing and being our best. 

The point is, for even a few minutes, once in a while it is OK to think of yourself first, and the important people of your life second.  It is OK to handle your stress, depression, mood or feelings.  It is OK to find a refreshing release from the pressures of work, family, church or self-expectations for short moments so that you can come back to all of these things with a fresh attitude or perspective.  It is OK to fill your bucket with love, peace and happiness.  When you do you have something to share with others.  When you fill your bucket with things that make you feel good, it will naturally, without effort spill over to others around you. 

Want It More

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

What do you want?  Do you want to learn new skills?  Do you want to change a habit?   do you want to meet someone? Do you want to try something you have never tried before?  Do you want to buy something?  Do you want to go somewhere?  Do you want to change employment?  Do you want to start your own business?  Do you want to share with someone? 

We all have wants.  Wants may appear in many forms.  We may get an idea, have a dream, feel a yearning, make a wish or see something we hadn't noticed or thought about before.  Some days they wait patiently to be acknowledged.  Other days they demand to be noticed, felt or acted upon.  Rarely, once acknowledged, if not acted upon, they will slip away and be replaced by a new want. More often, if not acted upon, wants have a tendency to make us feel uneasy, unhappy or uncomfortable with what we presently have or what we are presently doing. They push us to try, experiment, move, reach out, expand, learn and grow.

There may be many reasons we do not act to fulfill our wants and wishes.  One of the biggest reasons I have heard from people I know, and I face myself, is fear.  I have heard fear defined as "False Evidence Appearing Real".  My Merriam Webster Dictionary defines fear as "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat". However you define pain, it is something that often gets in our way of acting on or fulfilling our wants and wishes to have, to be, to improve or to accomplish something of worth, value or excellence.  

The advice above has come to mind many times over the past year as I have been faced with challenges and decisions.  I wanted a new home of our own.  My biggest fear was that I would get locked into a mortgage and then be unable to pay for it in the future because of a change in income.  I had to decide that I wanted a home we could call our own more than I was afraid of the possibility of change of employment or means of supporting my family.  As a result we were blessed to find a wonderful home we all enjoy.   Just this month I had to decide joining a local writing group and learning from other writers was more important to me than the fear of rejection or misunderstanding. 
As a result I enjoyed a wonderful writer's conference and met some people I am eager to have more contact with. 

I encourage you today to empower yourself. Look at the things you want, decide what is most important to you right now and then push through the wall of fear that has blocked your way.  Want it more than you are afraid. You deserve to enjoy the pleasures, growth and excitement that will come your way.  . 

Enjoy the Little Things - Now

Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

I can truly echo this statement, for through my own experiences I have learned the importance of looking for and enjoying the little things as they happen.  We cannot recapture the moments and time moves forward whether we want it to or not.  What we do not appreciate and enjoy now can only be remembered later. 

Even when we know we should be enjoying the little things we do not always do so.  We may be so focused on something else in the moment that we barely react.  A mother, busy tying a shoe for a toddler may offer her cheek for a goodbye kiss from a spouse or another child as they leave, accepting the action as something small and routine for each of them.  The underlying steady love, appreciation and support may not fully be appreciated until later, when the children or spouse are no longer willing or present to share their love on a daily basis.

In our busy, active lives we schedule the activities and appointments that demand our attention or we are afraid may be forgotten.  While these places to be and things to do seem of the most importance, it is really the small things, unwritten, occurring between the lines that end up being the big things, the things remembered. .  Making sure you get the child to the game on time is important, right now, but what he will remember isn’t whether you made it early or late, but rather the talks that occurred during those rides or the ice cream after a loss.   Your daughter won’t remember whether you were late for a parent-teacher conference or a dance lesson but she will remember hearing you express your pride in her for the talents and skills you know she has. 

Sometimes it is our perceptions that hamper us from enjoying the little things.  As a mother, you pick up the crayons and torn crumpled piece of paper with what to your adult eyes appears to be nothing more than scribbles of lines and shapes with no meaning.  To you it is simply another piece of paper to be thrown away, until the little boy comes running in.  He is excited you found his drawing and boisterously explains what the lines, spaces, shapes and colors represent. A small piece of paper changes, with understanding, into his masterpiece for the day, a true work of art to be cherished.

 As our lives change we realize some of the small things we may have taken for granted in the past.   A frazzled mother, surrounded by screaming toddlers racing past her, looks back to a time when they slept peacefully for hours at a time, or forward a few hours to the hope of the quiet after bedtime.  The father who reluctantly played catch with a little boy one night now stands surrounded by the trophies the gift of a few minutes resulted in.  An aging grandparent reminisces about days of cookie covered tables, paper creations and chocolate covered faces as she listens on the phone to a grandchild tell her about his latest school project. 

At times we simply do not appreciate the little things until we recognize that the small things we take for granted are or would be the big things to someone else.  A father complains about how expensive it is to feed and clothe a child until the childless couple next door asks if  he will allow them to be a Secret Friend because they just want to share their love with the children they know and care about.   A mother apologizes for the crayon and sticky fingerprints on the wall  and the toys on the floor until  the visitor she thought she needed to impress begins crying and explains she lost a child to illness and wishes she could experience the wonder of wall art, growth prints and learning objects again. 

Whether small or big, I encourage us all to experience these things now.  Enjoy the moments of your life now, and reflect joyfully on them later.   

Starting the Next Chapter

"You can't start the next chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one." Unknown

There are so many ways of interpreting this, but today is a good day to think about what it could mean for you. 

Picture attribution: Pixaby free images

Life is all about growing, learning and changing.  Each of these words imply a sense of moving.  Generally it involves moving toward something new, something different or something unexpected.  Occasionally it may mean repeating something in order to make a better decision or find a better solution to a situation.  One thing about life is for sure, it goes on, with or without your permission, all around you.  The next day, the next chapter, or the next experience is waiting for you.

The last chapter of your life happened. You may have laughed or you may have cried. You may have been alone or had someone important to you supporting or loving you through. You may have failed or you may have succeeded.  You may have found some rest or worked your hardest.  You may have forgotten or you may have remembered something or someone that made a difference for you.  You may have learned something new or remembered you already knew what you needed to make it through this chapter.  Whatever happened or wherever you ended up, you finished.  Congratulations.

Like the student who just graduated, you are at a new starting point.  You have been coached, taught and encouraged. You have been presented with a myriad of lessons and experiences which assisted you in learning the skills, gaining the knowledge or improving your abilities needed to begin the next chapter or next phase of life. You have been prepared.  Just like the student you may feel uneasy about what the future holds.  Like the student, you may want to just remain as you are.  You like who you are at this moment.  Facing the unknown holds the possibility of events or experiences which may change you.  Like the student, you may want to hold tightly to the relationships of friends and teachers and the security of structured/planned days.  Instead of moving on you try to keep what you have, or re-read the last chapter hoping to find all the answers instead of turning the page.

Today is the beginning of your next chapter.  It might be only a new day or it may be a new month. Perhaps you are at a crossroad, ready to make a choice of which new path to take.  Perhaps you have experienced a recent life event such as marriage, the birth of a new child and you now have someone new to share joys and sorrows with.  You may have just experience the loss of a companion through divorce or death and now must move forward without the thought of including them in decisions.  Are you the one starting a new job or a facing an opportunity you thought would never come your way?   Whoever you are, what ever your circumstances and wherever you are at this moment, now is your time to turn the page.  It is time to start a new chapter only you can write.  

Choose Which to Surf

surfcareers.tumbler.com

"Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Mattensson

The best thing I can add to this quote is my own endorsement that this is true. The key is to remember you always have a choice. 

You will always have feelings, some good, some bad, some you hope you can keep forever and some you wish had never surfaced.  Feelings may come suddenly or over a period of time, building up until they can no longer be ignored.  Feelings come and go many times a day some noticed and some so fleeting you hardly know they were there. Your size, culture, genetics or life circumstances will not stop feelings from appearing.  Some of these conditions may affect your outlook, but none will eliminate or keep feelings away. 

You can, however, decide which feelings to embrace or hold on to and which ones to just let go.  If you are anything like me, you also know that the choice may differ from day to day.  You may decide it is okay to feel a little sad or disappointed today.  Perhaps something very important to you changed and you need time to grieve or appropriately handle the new reality.  Tomorrow you may decide to look at things from another perspective, allowing only positive, happy feelings to stay.  It doesn't and won't ever be the same everyday.  It is up to you.  Make a choice for you. 

Surf the waves your own way.  Choose to move through life with excitement and joy.  Enjoy the ride.  It is your life. 

You Can't Forget Them

i1112.photobucket.com
 

m
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met." Unknown.







slodive.com

 I have  seen some posts on social media lately about forgetting people, especially those who have hurt us in some way.  I understand the pain these people are expressing, for I have too many times felt exactly as they do.. I wish I could say forgetting someone was easy, however I have not found it so for myself. 

These few quotes explain far better than I that forgetting someone who has been a part of or touched our lives, whether for good or bad, is not easy.  With some we may not ever want to forget.  With others, we may not have liked the experience at times, but there is always something we learned, a way we have grown or somehow changed because of their presence.

 No matter how much you want or even try to forget, there will still be moments which come that will remind you of them.  It may be clear memory, or a hazy moment you relive quickly.  It may be something you do you began when you knew them or something you have only done since that reminds you.they were once part of your life.  It may even be a tear shed or a smile which suddenly overcomes you at an odd moment with an unexpected thought.

So what do you do when these moments occur?  Take a deep breath and savor the moment.  Let the thought come and go, trusting there was a reason it was there.  Recognize and be grateful in that moment for something about them which made a difference in you.  Give yourself credit for surviving, growing, loving or learning through the experience of knowing them.  Silently wish them well wherever they may be and feel good about where you are. Feel the beauty and love you have now. 

You Have Changed

"When someone says 'You've Changed' it simply means you've stopped living your life their way." Unknown

When someone says you have changed it means you have not stood still, in some way you have chosen to move.  What change you have made, good or bad, is a matter of perspective, either your own or the other person's.  

Change is about moving.  Change is about making decisions.  Change is about not doing what has been done before.  Change is always positive, even if it leads in a different direction then we believe it should, because change is about doing something rather than doing nothing at all. Change is creation in action, the making of something new or different. 

If someone decides you have changed, it is up to them to decide what they want to do.  Some people may decide the change is an improvement, cheering and supporting as you make more changes.  They may even make changes in their own life based on your example or direction.  Other people may decide if you aren't going to continue your life as they think you should, they can no longer approve of your choices or be your friend.  Some may feel it is better to sever ties than deal with their own feelings of not being more like you.   Whatever someone else decides, allow them to make the change they feel they must. Just as change is important for  you, the change they decide to make may be just important for them at the time.

So go ahead and change.  Make changes which make you feel good.  Make a change that brings a new result.  Make a change that moves you closer to a dream.  Make a change only you can make.  Live your life your way not the way someone else thinks you should. 

Good Every Day

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

I encourage you to write this thought down and put it somewhere where you can see it often.  This truth can change your life in many ways.  How do I know?  I have seen it occur too often to not believe in its power or share it with others, including you.

Everyday is twenty-four hours long. There is nothing you can do to alter the length (although I am sure there are some you wish were longer and others you wish would end sooner).  Each day comes and goes whether we wish it to or not, for just as we wish some days are shorter, so we sometimes dread the next day to come because of something we believe or anticipate occurring. 

Yet even on those seemingly less than perfect days, there are moments, if we look, which are good.  The children may be having one of those days where it seems their full purpose in life is to be underfoot and demanding your attention. Yet amidst the frustration and chaos is the knowledge they love you and want to be near you.  Perhaps your boss yelled at you for not delivering the work he expected you to finish, yet the good part is he has a high enough opinion of you to expect a certain level of performance. It could even be a day when the principal demanded you come and pick up your child because he/she is behaving but today you had the opportunity to listen and understand the world as seen from your child's perspective. 

No, not everyday is the same.  Some are good and some are not so good, but we can, if we allow ourselves, see the good in each one. 

 

Challenge Yourself



 

When someone suggests a challenge what do you normally think about?
 For many the word triggers negative feelings and thoughts.  Do you picture something hard? Do you shake at the thought of doing something whether you want to or not?  Do you envision yourself in competition and losing?  Do you worry that you might not be able to meet the expectations set?  Do you expect to be laughed at or ridiculed for failing? Do you feel inferior in some way and afraid?
Or are you one for which the word triggers a feeling of excitement?  Do you get anxious to show you are better than someone else?  Do you feel anticipation of something exciting about to begin?  Do you look forward to trying something you may have never done before?
I hope you are the latter, however if you are not, that is OK.  The majority of people I have encountered through the years would find them themselves in the first category, experiencing fear and trepidation. 
The truth is Challenges are a part of everyday life.  You don't always get to pick them, but you do always get to face them.  How you meet the challenges you are given or the ones you give yourself is your choice.  You can develop the skills to master each one in the perfect way for you.  That does not mean that you will always come out the winner, be the best or achieve perfection, but you will always learn and be better in some way.
Among the definitions of Challenge found in Merriam-Webster dictionary are:

• to demand as due or deserved
• to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid or outmoded
• to confront or defy boldly
• to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties
• to invite into competition

The best person to create a challenge for you is you.  No one knows or understands you better.  No one knows better than you what you dreams, wishes and hopes are or the person you want to be now or in the future.   No one knows better than you what your strengths or weaknesses are and how they affect your present circumstances.  Finally no one knows better than you the choices you make each day that either keep you where you are or move you in new directions. 
Thinking about the definitions above, what kind of challenge could you give yourself at this time? Keep in mind, it does not have to be hard, unless you enjoy facing hard challenges.  It does not have to look a certain way.  Remember this is something for you not for someone else so as long as it works for you it doesn't matter how someone else may see it.  It is OK to have fun, to laugh, to incorporate something unusual or to enjoy the process. 
What is it you feel you deserve?  What do you want right now you don't feel you have?  What is it you have wanted but put off because of someone or something else in your life?  Challenge yourself to treat yourself to one thing that comes to mind.  Challenge yourself to do something nice for you.  It might be as simple as taking that long bath you wanted, going to the gym or buying a new outfit.  The challenge may be nothing more than one time saying no to someone so you can say yes to you. 
What is it you have thought more than once about changing?  Is it something about you? Something in your home you wish you could replace or feel you don't need any longer?  What is it about you, your surroundings or relationships you could work on removing, updating or improving?  Maybe it is finally throwing out an article of clothing you have worn for so too many years to admit and buying one that is not so threadbare to replace it.   Updating your home may be as simple as adding a new plant, some new pillows, hanging a new picture or buying a colorful fleece blanket to throw over a favorite chair you just can't bear to part with.   Maybe your challenge is to improve a relationship and all the effort it requires is one smile a day
What is it about you would like to learn, improve, be better at?  What would you like to do more often.   What would it take to arouse or stimulate your passion?   Buy a $2.00 set of children's watercolors and  let your creativity erupt.  There is nothing that triggers a desire to go fishing like finding a new lure or a new wilderness spot.  Challenge yourself to find one "how to" book on something someone said you might not like.  You will be surprised how wrong they were.  
Challenge yourself.   Do it today, tomorrow and even the following day.  Make it fun.  Make it worthwhile.  Make it personal.  Most of all make it fun and easy.  Enjoy one challenge and find out how enjoyable it can be to do it again and again.  Then stand back and look at what occurs and smile.  You Did It. 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/challenge

Anger Management- Sit Down and Think

Both my sister and my daughter shared this on Facebook.  I couldn't help but chuckle, and I hope you do too.  I know, beside the cute puppies, what I liked about this is that I could relate.  Admit it,  you have probably wished more than once that you could get away doing just this very thing to a someone you are angry with.  I know I have, more than once.  (More times than I would like to admit.)  


The message though is so true.  It does help to sit down and think about the problem.  What is it you are angry about?  Experience has shown me that it is rarely what I initially tell myself I am angry about.  When I take the time to sit and think about the situation it is a feeling that was triggered, a memory that surfaced, the way I perceived the situation or a belief which was challenged.   I learned many years ago, that if I say I am angry at someone or with someone, it is never about them.  It is always about me.  Taking the time to sit and think allows the initial feeling of anger to dissipate so I can recognize the true feeling of disappointment, frustration, annoyance or hurt that is beneath the surface.  Taking the time to sit and think allows you the chance to look at the situation or other person with a clearer view.  Are you angry with other person because of something you believe they did or said, or are you angry with yourself for allowing the other person to do or say something or act in a way that triggered something within you don't like. 
Once you have identified the deeper feeling, you can move forward in dealing with the anger.  Take a few moments longer to sit and think about the problem.  What can you do about the situation? Can you make it better ?  Can you make a change so the situation or person is more tolerable?  Or is this one of those times when there is nothing you can do but accept what is until a change occurs? 

If you have found your answer you can get up and move.  Release the feelings and let them go.   Release the feelings about the other person and let them move on either with you or away from you.  Get up and get away from the problem .  Find or seek out what gives you peace, joy and happiness.


I hope the next time you are angry, you can remember this picture.  Maybe it will give a moment to feel laughter instead of anger.  Maybe it will be a reminder to tackle the problem in a different way.  Maybe it will remind you to stop, take a breath and think before reacting.  What ever it does for you is perfect.    Have fun and stay happy.