Better Than Yesterday

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday." Unknown

In my opinion, this quote contains, in few words, advice and wisdom everyone can use.

First it reminds us to not compare ourselves with others.  Comparing just emphasizes the perceived difference without taking into account the circumstances.  I recently was reminded of how quickly comparing ourselves to others can increase stress or depression, and lower self esteem. No two people are alike in every aspect of their being or circumstances, so comparison is never completely equal and always based on perception.    

Second it reminds us to look at who we were, are and who we might become or be.  What do we see in ourself that gives us joy?  What makes us feel fulfilled and of worth?  What are the traits we already possess we don't want or need to improve on?   What lessons, good or bad, have been important in assisting us in becoming the person we are today?    Is there something we think we could still learn or grow from?  Is there a talent, skill or personality trait we would like to build on or change in some way?  Do we even need to be better today than yesterday?  Everyday does not have to be a forward step.  I don't know about you, but I know I have days where just standing still and enjoying who and where I am at the moment without any change is a perfect day.    

Third it encourages us to keep looking for ways to improve ourselves.  It leaves the choice up to each person as to what we think would or could be better.  It doesn't have to be big.  Maybe it is a simple as smiling a little more today than yesterday. Maybe today we exercise one minute more than yesterday.  Maybe today is the day for a change in the color of lipstick or the cologne worn in order to lift a spirit.  Perhaps today is the day a new chapter in life begins.  There is always a way to move, and the choice, big or little, forward or back, is ours to make. 

I hope each of us can take a moment to see the good in ourselves and decide if we are great as we are or if we want to make an improvement.   Share what you find, either here or with a friend.  

Trust is Like A Paper

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumpled it can't be Perfect again."

I came across this quote in the spring of 2017 as I was reflecting on this blog. I thought about this often during the year as it applied to different members of my family and as different situations arose in relationships.   As I did I found, while I agreed with the thought that like the crumpled paper, trust might never be what it was before,  I believed strongly in the belief that it was still of value and worth trying to salvage. .   Just because trust had been crumpled and now had some wrinkles did not mean it's value was lost forever or it couldn't be used again or even recycled into something even more valuable to a relationship.

Trust is generally defined as :" firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something"  (Webster online dictionary)

While this definition may be generally accepted as what trust is, trust is much harder to explain.  Trust is based on fragile feelings which can change in an instant.  Trust can exist one moment and be lost the next as a result of a single choice.  Trust can be lost even when the decisions involved were made for the right reasons at the time or under the best circumstances.   Trust can also be regained just as quickly through communication and understanding.

This past year has been an up and down journey in trust with one of my granddaughters, particularly during times of strain between her and other family members, when they desired to shake the trust bonds between each of us.  Who was I was to believe or trust?  Did I trust my own feelings and experience in the situations or what others believed or  had been told?  As I reflect at the end of the year I can see that trust, not only with this granddaughter, but also other family members, looks much like the paper above.  Trust is not the perfect form many expect it to be, but is still whole.  It has some wrinkles but is still useful.  In some ways it is even less bland and more beautiful to look at because of the different lines and wrinkles that were not there before.

I encourage you to look at how trust works in your own life?  It is solid and perfect with some people while wrinkled and well used with others?  Although it has been changed, does it still exist in a new form?  What were the lessons learned, shared or created in the time between thinking something was destroyed and the process of  smoothing out or recycling the relationship?  Only you have the answers for you.

A Part of Your Life



 wwwgoodmorningquote.com/letting-go-quotes-images/

"The only thing that makes it a part of your life is that you keep thinking about it."

 

In reviewing a list of quotes, this one stood out for me because I knew it was true.  Recently a series of moments, during what I would call a less than perfect day, left me feeling depressed, frustrated, unhappy and questioning my decision and who I thought I was..  I kept thinking,  about the day, consciously or unconsciously, allowing myself to stay in that same frame of mind, each day getting more depressed and lower in my self-esteem.   

The first thing I had to do was to realize  I was holding on to the experience by thinking and analyzing whether I should or shouldn't feel the way I was. The thing which was triggering my thinking was a dent in my new car.   I couldn't change the dent, but I could change my perspective or thinking about it.  Instead of viewing the dent as a reminder of something wrong, a bad day or unusual choices I needed to allow it to be simply what it was a dent.   I could continue to dwell on all the reasons it had occurred or stop thinking and let it be a moment in life, something that occurred but didn't make a lot of difference as life and time moved on.  Just as the dent was a minor flaw on an otherwise smooth metal surface, so the experience was just a wrinkle in the otherwise smooth flow of good days I had been enjoying and the ones that followed.  

The dent has not disappeared, but my depression, lowered self-esteem and feeling of frustration have.  I no longer dwell on what I should or could have done differently that particular day.  Now, if I happen to notice the dent, it serves as a reminder to let the small things in life be small and enjoy the abundance of good things and wonderful moments I experience everyday. 

The choice is yours. Are you going to allow something negative to remain by continuing to dwell on and think about it or let it go so something better can become a part of your life? 

Good Every Day

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

I encourage you to write this thought down and put it somewhere where you can see it often.  This truth can change your life in many ways.  How do I know?  I have seen it occur too often to not believe in its power or share it with others, including you.

Everyday is twenty-four hours long. There is nothing you can do to alter the length (although I am sure there are some you wish were longer and others you wish would end sooner).  Each day comes and goes whether we wish it to or not, for just as we wish some days are shorter, so we sometimes dread the next day to come because of something we believe or anticipate occurring. 

Yet even on those seemingly less than perfect days, there are moments, if we look, which are good.  The children may be having one of those days where it seems their full purpose in life is to be underfoot and demanding your attention. Yet amidst the frustration and chaos is the knowledge they love you and want to be near you.  Perhaps your boss yelled at you for not delivering the work he expected you to finish, yet the good part is he has a high enough opinion of you to expect a certain level of performance. It could even be a day when the principal demanded you come and pick up your child because he/she is behaving but today you had the opportunity to listen and understand the world as seen from your child's perspective. 

No, not everyday is the same.  Some are good and some are not so good, but we can, if we allow ourselves, see the good in each one. 

 

Live in the Moment - Unless

"Today I will live in the moment unless it is unpleasant in which case I will eat a cookie."  Cookie Monster-  Just for Fun

What better advice can you get?  (Just for the record, a chocolate chip cookie works well, at least for me. ) 

It is OK to have those moments and days when you feel like you just can't cope without some kind of help.  You know the ones, where even from the start, the day feels overwhelming.  You have appointments to get to, work to finish, loved ones to care for, decisions to make or a combination of all.  You know those days too where a good day changes to bad because the children are whining, your supervisor pointed out an error in your work, you and a loved one didn't share the same point of view or in spite of your best efforts the results were not as you expected or desired. 

When those moments occur, let go.  Do something for yourself.  Find a way to relieve the unpleasantness.  Make a choice to see or make the moment different.  Remember, it does not have to look a certain way.  What works for you is perfect.  Take a walk.  Eat a cookie.  Think about something pleasant or find something to laugh at.  Take a moment to look around for something beautiful to enjoy.  Close your eyes, relax and take a deep breath and feel a moment of peace.   Do something unexpected, unusual or even silly.  Eat a piece of chocolate or reach for a favorite piece of fruit.  Sing a song or listen to something you enjoy.

 Remember, it is just a moment.  It will pass. Another moment is on the way.  You are OK in that moment.  You will be OK in the next.  Make the best of whatever the moment is, and if a cookie is the way to make it through-  Go For It and love yourself for doing it. 

Can't Complain

You Cannot Complain About What You Allow

I hear you.  "Dang! That's not fair."  I know.  Putting this into practice in your life definitely reduces, in fact almost eliminates,  the things you can complain about. Why?   The truth is we often allow things to happen or choose to ignore something until the ripple of results show up in a way we don't like, didn't expect or wish we could change. When the ripples settle we often feel complaining somehow makes it easier or will make it go away. 
The truth is we are the ones, one way or another, that create our results.  Something we did, chose or allowed created what we now have to deal with.  Complaining will not change anything now, but making a different choice usually will. 
For instance, I do not get to complain about a son-in-law blaming me for not communicating with his daughter over the past few months when I chose, in order to protect his daughter, to not correct his perception of the situation by telling him all the facts and correcting the half-truths he had been told.  In making that choice I also allowed him to be abusive to me in front of his grandchildren and scaring them, so after he left, I could not complain when they were excessively clinging to me for the rest of the afternoon and wanting my reassurance everything was OK, they were safe and I was not hurt. 
I cannot complain that it is unfair to me after more than a year taking care of my granddaughter and her children, a state agency may consider placing the children with a father who has offered support only if it did not cost him anything, when I myself did not contact him about financially assisting but rather depended on my granddaughter to ask him, knowing he would refuse, if for no other reason than to hurt her.  So as unfair, as it seems, I cannot complain now about his belief he should not have to support his children when I have proven all this time I could do it without his help.  So now, instead of complaining, I need to stand up allow him to take part financially in caring for what he has been a part of creating and allowing.    I might be able to complain if I learn a government agency is more concerned with the rights of the parents than the well-being of the children, unless I do not now, to the best of my ability, stand up for the interests of the children.  Right now instead of complaining I need to reach out for help in protecting the children from further harm, abuse or loss of safety and stability.  
This is a hard subject for me to write about right now, as there are alot of things going on in my own personal life I wish I could complain about.  However, it is also a perfect time for me to write about this as a personal reminder to be aware of what I choose and what I allow to happen to and around me, especially those things which may have consequences- either good or bad- in the future I may have the opportunity to experience in one way or another.  What I allow at this time will influence the situations, people or results that I can or cannot complain about later. 
Complaining does no good.  I am trying to teach an emotional 3 year-old that principle right now.  It does not do any good to complain or cry about something we did wrong or didn't go the way we wanted or an accident.   What does help is to stop complaining, say I am sorry and find a way to make things better.  She can't fix a broken balloon she fell on while she was breaking the rules by running instead of walking through the frontroom.  Complaining and crying won't make the balloon come back, but maybe, if she picks up the pieces and puts them away and then cleans up her room she can earn two pennies to buy a new ballon with.   
Take a chance today to look at what you want to complain about.  How did it result or come about? If you allowed it to occur, you cannot complain.   If you  had no part of it, then how did you become involved?  Why is it something you want to complain about?   However it happened, it did.  So let it go.  Now look at what you can do to improve the present moment or the ones to come.  You have heard me say it before, Smile and move forward.

Perfect Day

Today is a perfect day to have a perfect day. 
A friend shared this thought with me awhile ago, and ever since I find it comes to mind frequently.  Today I want to share it with you.
Every day begins perfect.  It is new, fresh and ready.  It is a full 24 hours that has never before been available to be used or enjoyed.   It is perfect, clean and untouched, simple in appearance.  Today is a clean slate as yesterday or the past are gone.   Today holds only opportunity. It starts perfect and ends perfectly each time.  
 It is what you do with the day or more importantly how you perceive the happenings and events which occur, or choices and wishes for the day that make it appear as less than perfect. Remember too, sometimes what does not appear as perfect may indeed be perfect, if not for you for someone else or a reason you may not understand in the moment.  If at any moment it appears less than perfect, you can stop, change your view or change your choices. 
Take a few moments right now and think about what you consider a perfect day to be. Does part of your day involve spending time with family or friends? Are you at home, work or somewhere you have been yearning to go?  Is there a portion of your perfect day that is spent relaxing or do you see yourself creating something of value you have not had the time or support to accomplish?  Are you using talents and strengths you feel someone doesn't know about or are you able to do something freely without feeling stress someone will be judging it?  Are you surrounded by nature or strolling leisurely through a museum or gallery or favorite shop?  Would you dine alone or with friends? Would you wake early to take advantage of all hours of the day or would you enjoy turning off the alarm in order to catch up on missed sleep?  Is there a little laughter and fun or are you content to  make it through the day worry and problem free?
Chances are, like most people, you found that there was no single perfect day, but a variety of things you wish you could do or enjoy more often. Did you see how even one choice made the difference?  Did you realize how perfect each day may already be for you? Hopefully, what you discovered is your power to make each day perfect by looking for or creating one moment (or more) you feel is perfect. 
This is a perfect day for you to have a perfect day.  Mine is already perfect because I am able to share with you. 

Challenge Yourself



 

When someone suggests a challenge what do you normally think about?
 For many the word triggers negative feelings and thoughts.  Do you picture something hard? Do you shake at the thought of doing something whether you want to or not?  Do you envision yourself in competition and losing?  Do you worry that you might not be able to meet the expectations set?  Do you expect to be laughed at or ridiculed for failing? Do you feel inferior in some way and afraid?
Or are you one for which the word triggers a feeling of excitement?  Do you get anxious to show you are better than someone else?  Do you feel anticipation of something exciting about to begin?  Do you look forward to trying something you may have never done before?
I hope you are the latter, however if you are not, that is OK.  The majority of people I have encountered through the years would find them themselves in the first category, experiencing fear and trepidation. 
The truth is Challenges are a part of everyday life.  You don't always get to pick them, but you do always get to face them.  How you meet the challenges you are given or the ones you give yourself is your choice.  You can develop the skills to master each one in the perfect way for you.  That does not mean that you will always come out the winner, be the best or achieve perfection, but you will always learn and be better in some way.
Among the definitions of Challenge found in Merriam-Webster dictionary are:

• to demand as due or deserved
• to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid or outmoded
• to confront or defy boldly
• to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties
• to invite into competition

The best person to create a challenge for you is you.  No one knows or understands you better.  No one knows better than you what you dreams, wishes and hopes are or the person you want to be now or in the future.   No one knows better than you what your strengths or weaknesses are and how they affect your present circumstances.  Finally no one knows better than you the choices you make each day that either keep you where you are or move you in new directions. 
Thinking about the definitions above, what kind of challenge could you give yourself at this time? Keep in mind, it does not have to be hard, unless you enjoy facing hard challenges.  It does not have to look a certain way.  Remember this is something for you not for someone else so as long as it works for you it doesn't matter how someone else may see it.  It is OK to have fun, to laugh, to incorporate something unusual or to enjoy the process. 
What is it you feel you deserve?  What do you want right now you don't feel you have?  What is it you have wanted but put off because of someone or something else in your life?  Challenge yourself to treat yourself to one thing that comes to mind.  Challenge yourself to do something nice for you.  It might be as simple as taking that long bath you wanted, going to the gym or buying a new outfit.  The challenge may be nothing more than one time saying no to someone so you can say yes to you. 
What is it you have thought more than once about changing?  Is it something about you? Something in your home you wish you could replace or feel you don't need any longer?  What is it about you, your surroundings or relationships you could work on removing, updating or improving?  Maybe it is finally throwing out an article of clothing you have worn for so too many years to admit and buying one that is not so threadbare to replace it.   Updating your home may be as simple as adding a new plant, some new pillows, hanging a new picture or buying a colorful fleece blanket to throw over a favorite chair you just can't bear to part with.   Maybe your challenge is to improve a relationship and all the effort it requires is one smile a day
What is it about you would like to learn, improve, be better at?  What would you like to do more often.   What would it take to arouse or stimulate your passion?   Buy a $2.00 set of children's watercolors and  let your creativity erupt.  There is nothing that triggers a desire to go fishing like finding a new lure or a new wilderness spot.  Challenge yourself to find one "how to" book on something someone said you might not like.  You will be surprised how wrong they were.  
Challenge yourself.   Do it today, tomorrow and even the following day.  Make it fun.  Make it worthwhile.  Make it personal.  Most of all make it fun and easy.  Enjoy one challenge and find out how enjoyable it can be to do it again and again.  Then stand back and look at what occurs and smile.  You Did It. 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/challenge

Messy is a Perception

I love this little e-card.  It so describes my life and my house.  It is also a fun reminder to be aware of how choice allows us to change our perception of circumstances and events. 

Messy is nothing more than someone's expression of their perception.  Perception is generally a result of experiences and beliefs a person has picked up along the journey called life.  However, sometimes the beliefs we pick up or choose to nourish can interfere with how we feel about our present.   For instance, many people have decided that messy is unacceptable, yet what is messy to one person may be acceptable and even comfortable for someone else. 

The good news is that we always have a choice of how we feel and how we look at things.  Stop for a moment and look at how you feel at this moment.  Do you see yourself as happy or sad?  Is your life perfect or would you like to make a few changes?   Is you life busy taking children to and from activities or is it filled with short moments of time bonding, teaching or supporting?  When you look at your surroundings do you see toys and personal items out of place or do you see remnants of projects (crayons, papers, glue),   efforts to be their best (combs, brushes, curling irons), or the joy of entertainment (open books, toys, puzzles, 1/2 empty soda bottles)?   If you choose to see the first you may also choose to feel bad, to feel like you are not in control or doing what you think others believe you should be doing.  If you choose the second, you may choose to feel like you are a member of family,  doing OK without being perfect and not responsible for everything alone.

I encourage you to remember you can change your perception at any moment.  I challenge you to do it now.  What can you look at  in a different way, from a different angle or in a different light?  What choice can you make in this moment to release tension and stress and be more accepting of just what is in this moment.   Go for it and enjoy yourself, whether for a few seconds, minutes or hours. 

Night Talk

I found this picture again the other day as I was browsing through some pictures I had saved from browsing sessions on FaceBook I don't know about you, but this happens to me frequently.  The most frequent time for me is in the middle of the night.  I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but a few hours later, I awake for some reason, but now I can't get back to sleep.  It is as though my mind decides, since it gave me 2 or 3 hours of rest, now I have no reason to do anything other than think, remember, plan, worry, fret or wonder. 

So, what do I do?  Nothing.  I allow my mind to wander and stop worrying about whether I should or should not be sleeping.   I find that this is also my most productive thinking time.  I have found, at least for myself, that paying attention makes my next day(s) go much smoother. 

Most often it is not the words I pay attention to as much as the feelings and emotions I experience.  Perhaps I am rehearsing words I wish I could say to someone but know it would not be a good idea or I am afraid of the results.  I don't necessarily want to fight with someone, but I do want to feel I have control or a choice in a particular situation.  If the thoughts are about something that has already happened, I take the opportunity to look at the feeling of whether I feel good about what happened, how I reacted or the outcome.  Recognizing the lasting feelings, I can readjust my reactions to the outcome, either accepting what is or coming up with a way to create a different outcome I can feel differently about.   Sometimes the thoughts are about something I need to do at work or forgot to do that day.  In this case it is not always the project or assignment I am stressing over, but rather a desire to be more efficient, focused or aware.  Knowing this is the real reason I may be awake, I can release the emotion and move past it, focusing on the strengths I have rather than the weaknesses that occasionally get in the way of being my best self.      

I have also found, the sooner I give in to letting my thoughts wander, not only can I get to sleep sooner rather than later, but I also sleep more soundly and wake more refreshed,  My mind and my body relax together and I get the sleep I need, not a set number of hours per say, but enough that I feel energized and able to accomplish whatever I need during the day. 

I would love to hear from you about what you do to get your brain to stop talking to itself  It is sharing that helps us all.   

Here is hoping you have a good night's rest. 
 

Well Done Is Better Than Well Said

I have been doing a lot of research lately and I have found this thought comes to my mind often as I sift through all the material and look for information. 

 

Sometimes in life things become so overwhelming that you find you need to pause, sift through what you have or are looking for and set a limit.  You have to decide what is important and what you can let go or walk away from. You have to create your own level of deciding what is of worth to you in the present moment.  Circumstances change, so it is okay if you find what you decide today you feel differently about at a later time. 
I decided to do some research lately on writing, for business, as a business or just for fun.  What makes the difference between a well written story or book and a best seller?  As you can imagine, there are hundreds of books already written and many more everyday coming out everyday on "How To......(write a novel, write good characters, write a plot, write a novel in X days, or write a book in X hours).  I could see quickly, with so many to choose from, I needed to narrow my search.  So I decided to look for authors who I admired because of their well done best seller novels or books. What I found is that those who are busy creating the stories and books I love to read are not the ones out there expounding how to do it.  I noticed that they are examples to me of well done is better than well said.   Their accomplishments speak louder than any words they can speak and are much more powerful.  They don't tell how to write, they show how to write with feeling, power or personal knowledge.

Saying I am a writer means nothing if I am not putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard or screen to paper.    I have to do these thing well before I can say they are well done.   Until I share what I write I am a writer not a teacher or author.  It is the well done act of sharing that makes the difference.   I can write as many pages as I want but it is the well done act of combining them into a book you can enjoy or learn from that makes the difference between saying I am a writer and saying I am an author.  Well Done is better than Well Said. 

This concept can be a positive motivation tool in everyday choices.  It is better to do, to act, to move, to take a step than to just say you are going to.   How many tasks, jobs, chores or projects do you accomplish during a day?  Do you consider them well done?   Did you use a skill, tools, instruments, knowledge, energy, effort or personal intuition?  Give yourself credit for a job well done.  Never mind whether someone else from their experience or perspective considers it well done, you are the one whose opinion counts.   

So take a moment today to stop and see how you can use this idea in your life.  Make this phrase personal to you.  Share it.  Show it.  Say it.   Be the best you possible today. 

The Time is Yours

Oregon Coast

Recently I took a trip with some family members.  It was during some time, sitting on the beach as the little ones played in the sand, I had a chance to think about how the time away from the office and home was a gift I had given myself.   As I thought about this, I reflected on the time we each have each day and the opportunities we have to 'use it or lose it'.  So today I want to share some of these thoughts with you. 
You have a gift that is yours.  Each day you are given 24 hours, commonly called a day to start, continue or end whatever you choose.  You receive the same 24 hours that I do, yet neither of us can give it away to each other or to anyone else. You might share your time with another at a given moment when they are open to sharing their time with you,  Time is not something you can hold in your hand, yet it is as valuable Io your life as breath. 
No one can tell you how to use the hours as they tick away. The choices for each hour are yours alone.  The choices you make of how to use the hours are as uncountable as the seconds and minutes of each hour as they combine into a day.  The choices you make, will at times be similar to mine or someone else's and at other times as different as night is from day. The choices you make will seldom be the same as you made the day before or will likely make tomorrow, yet each choice makes a difference.
The time is yours to use wisely or foolishly, although which it is depends on your perspective or belief.  Floating around in a swimming pool may seem foolish on a day you feel there is not enough time to get everything completed you need or because you are simply in avoidance of something you don;t want to deal with.   Yet floating in the pool on another day may be a wise choice in order overcome the stress of a particularly challenging day.
What will you do with this gift today?  Will you spend it alone, doing something you have been wishing to but didn't think you had the time?  Will you spend it with family or friends in work or play together?  Will you complete a special project at work that will bring you recongnition or financial reward?   Will you be thankful for the time you receive or spend it feeling sorry there is not more angry because someone else is not using their gift the way you think they should.
The time is yours.   Use it as you like. May you enjoy the gift of today.  May you look forward to another gift of time tomorrow.