Cultivating an Attitude of Happiness

Happiness cannot really be defined.  It is a state of being or a feeling we each decide for ourselves.  Since we are all unique and special  we each define and seek happiness differently.     What makes me feel happy may or may not be on someone else's list  or give them the exact same warm, fuzzy feeling(s).  What someone else feels is needed before they can say they are happy may be something I have not even thought of or doesn't seem important to me.

Happiness is generally defined as "a feeling of being happy."  What happy is for each of us is just as undefinable, but is often seen as a moment of enjoyment.   That enjoyment may encompass a variety of other pleasant feelings, including (among other feelings): peace, joy, cheerfulness, satisfaction and pleasure.  Happiness is changeable.  What we define as happiness one day may, based on circumstances, feel like something we are still seeking the next day.

While happiness is hard to pin down, we each still seek to find and hold on to that state of being or feeling.  Happiness is an attitude we choose to adopt.  Our end goals or perceptions may vary but the things we do to find  personal happiness are often very similar.  Below is a list of a few things I have found are common ways we cultivate happiness.  I feel certain, if you are or have experienced happiness, whether the feeling was short or lingering, you used one or more of these life skills.

1. 1. Savor the moment - experience one positive moment.  No matter what else seems to be going on, look for and find one thing that makes the moment memorable. 
2. Connect with others - experiencing the support from or a connection with another person can make problems more bearable or put concerns and worries in perspective
3. Curtail comparisons - stop judging yourself or others based on what you think you see.  Let go of what you think is perfect.
4. Practice non-judgemental awareness - Remember we are all doing our best in the moment  Give yourself and others a break. 
5. Cultivate realistic thinking-  Balance your thoughts and thinking.  Be aware of the possibility of outcomes but also realize and know you have coping skills to deal with, overcome or even avoid those outcomes 
6. Develop self-care practices - Take care of yourself.  Integrate habits and routines in your life which keep you healthy,  both physically, mentally and spiritually.
7. Simplify - Choose easy. Reinvent your life to decrease stress and personal pressures. 
8. Have fun and laugh -   Allow yourself the freedom to enjoy-  Read or tell a joke.  Decide to do something out of the ordinary.  Play a game, run a race, watch a  parade or simply go for a walk.  
9. Share Gratitude- Recognize what you already have- Thank someone for something they have done. Look for and see the good that already exists for and around you. 
10. Live a meaningful and authentic life - Be true to yourself and your values. Be who you are, not who you or someone else thinks you should be. 

Cultivate Happiness in your life.  Dig  down in your thoughts and plan the garden you would like to enjoy.  Plant seeds of satisfaction and gratitude.  Nurture and care about your feelings, wishes and desires.  Allow time for growth.  Weed out the negative. Watch for the buds to appear and celebrate the opening petals of joy.    Then enjoy the beauty of happiness. 

In Three Words

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - It Goes On." - Robert Frost

It certainly does.  Life goes on whether we want it to or not.  Sometimes we are glad it moves and other times we may regret that it moves so quickly.  Yet no matter what we wish, it continues to go on with or without our permission or opinions.

So what do we do about it?  We allow it to go on while doing the best we can in each given moment.  We allow ourselves to be whoever and whatever we are at the time, whether it is our best, worst or average.  We don't judge either the moment or ourselves as good or bad. We allow life to go on, understanding and knowing that in the end it really doesn't matter because, since life does go on, there is always another chance, another beginning or even another ending coming.

You are proof that life does go on and that whatever it takes or brings along with it is OK.  How can I say this?  Because you and I are OK.  We are living our lives individually and alongside each other.  We may have different experiences, perspectives, ideas and beliefs, but we have all experience growth due to the movement of time.  We have grown from infants to toddlers to children to teens and become either a young or older adult.  None of us were able to stop life from going forward in our past anymore than we can now stop it from continuing now.  So we might as well enjoy the journey and move along with life as it unfolds.  Take the time to enjoy and remember moments, for when life seems to be moving too fast it will be those moments and memories that will make it OK. 

Enjoy the Little Things - Now

Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

I can truly echo this statement, for through my own experiences I have learned the importance of looking for and enjoying the little things as they happen.  We cannot recapture the moments and time moves forward whether we want it to or not.  What we do not appreciate and enjoy now can only be remembered later. 

Even when we know we should be enjoying the little things we do not always do so.  We may be so focused on something else in the moment that we barely react.  A mother, busy tying a shoe for a toddler may offer her cheek for a goodbye kiss from a spouse or another child as they leave, accepting the action as something small and routine for each of them.  The underlying steady love, appreciation and support may not fully be appreciated until later, when the children or spouse are no longer willing or present to share their love on a daily basis.

In our busy, active lives we schedule the activities and appointments that demand our attention or we are afraid may be forgotten.  While these places to be and things to do seem of the most importance, it is really the small things, unwritten, occurring between the lines that end up being the big things, the things remembered. .  Making sure you get the child to the game on time is important, right now, but what he will remember isn’t whether you made it early or late, but rather the talks that occurred during those rides or the ice cream after a loss.   Your daughter won’t remember whether you were late for a parent-teacher conference or a dance lesson but she will remember hearing you express your pride in her for the talents and skills you know she has. 

Sometimes it is our perceptions that hamper us from enjoying the little things.  As a mother, you pick up the crayons and torn crumpled piece of paper with what to your adult eyes appears to be nothing more than scribbles of lines and shapes with no meaning.  To you it is simply another piece of paper to be thrown away, until the little boy comes running in.  He is excited you found his drawing and boisterously explains what the lines, spaces, shapes and colors represent. A small piece of paper changes, with understanding, into his masterpiece for the day, a true work of art to be cherished.

 As our lives change we realize some of the small things we may have taken for granted in the past.   A frazzled mother, surrounded by screaming toddlers racing past her, looks back to a time when they slept peacefully for hours at a time, or forward a few hours to the hope of the quiet after bedtime.  The father who reluctantly played catch with a little boy one night now stands surrounded by the trophies the gift of a few minutes resulted in.  An aging grandparent reminisces about days of cookie covered tables, paper creations and chocolate covered faces as she listens on the phone to a grandchild tell her about his latest school project. 

At times we simply do not appreciate the little things until we recognize that the small things we take for granted are or would be the big things to someone else.  A father complains about how expensive it is to feed and clothe a child until the childless couple next door asks if  he will allow them to be a Secret Friend because they just want to share their love with the children they know and care about.   A mother apologizes for the crayon and sticky fingerprints on the wall  and the toys on the floor until  the visitor she thought she needed to impress begins crying and explains she lost a child to illness and wishes she could experience the wonder of wall art, growth prints and learning objects again. 

Whether small or big, I encourage us all to experience these things now.  Enjoy the moments of your life now, and reflect joyfully on them later.   

Choose Which to Surf

surfcareers.tumbler.com

"Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Mattensson

The best thing I can add to this quote is my own endorsement that this is true. The key is to remember you always have a choice. 

You will always have feelings, some good, some bad, some you hope you can keep forever and some you wish had never surfaced.  Feelings may come suddenly or over a period of time, building up until they can no longer be ignored.  Feelings come and go many times a day some noticed and some so fleeting you hardly know they were there. Your size, culture, genetics or life circumstances will not stop feelings from appearing.  Some of these conditions may affect your outlook, but none will eliminate or keep feelings away. 

You can, however, decide which feelings to embrace or hold on to and which ones to just let go.  If you are anything like me, you also know that the choice may differ from day to day.  You may decide it is okay to feel a little sad or disappointed today.  Perhaps something very important to you changed and you need time to grieve or appropriately handle the new reality.  Tomorrow you may decide to look at things from another perspective, allowing only positive, happy feelings to stay.  It doesn't and won't ever be the same everyday.  It is up to you.  Make a choice for you. 

Surf the waves your own way.  Choose to move through life with excitement and joy.  Enjoy the ride.  It is your life. 

You Have Changed

"When someone says 'You've Changed' it simply means you've stopped living your life their way." Unknown

When someone says you have changed it means you have not stood still, in some way you have chosen to move.  What change you have made, good or bad, is a matter of perspective, either your own or the other person's.  

Change is about moving.  Change is about making decisions.  Change is about not doing what has been done before.  Change is always positive, even if it leads in a different direction then we believe it should, because change is about doing something rather than doing nothing at all. Change is creation in action, the making of something new or different. 

If someone decides you have changed, it is up to them to decide what they want to do.  Some people may decide the change is an improvement, cheering and supporting as you make more changes.  They may even make changes in their own life based on your example or direction.  Other people may decide if you aren't going to continue your life as they think you should, they can no longer approve of your choices or be your friend.  Some may feel it is better to sever ties than deal with their own feelings of not being more like you.   Whatever someone else decides, allow them to make the change they feel they must. Just as change is important for  you, the change they decide to make may be just important for them at the time.

So go ahead and change.  Make changes which make you feel good.  Make a change that brings a new result.  Make a change that moves you closer to a dream.  Make a change only you can make.  Live your life your way not the way someone else thinks you should. 

More Than One Day

I try to take life just one day at a time
...but lately several days have attacked me at once.  (Life as I see it- Feel it- Live it- Welcome to it)

Wow, I don't know about you, but this is surely true for me at times, particularly lately.  Very few of my days lately have been even close to boring or peaceful.  What little time I had between work, caring for the home, church obligations and family needs has been added to with extra appointments, court ordered visits, medical follow-ups and additional family responsibilities.  My writing time seemed to evaporate (again) as I made other things my priority.

So how do you or I cope when this happens?  Just as we have been doing- one day at a time.  It may feel like we are asked or expected to accomplish more than can fit in a single day, but the days do still come one at a time.

What you can do is be flexible and kind to yourself. Find a moment to take a deep breath.  What would you normally be doing during a particular time which is now filled with an usual demand for your attention?  Can the normally scheduled activity be done at a later time (perhaps tomorrow) or could it even be dismissed until the next time it might already be scheduled?  Instead of trying to accomplish everything on a list of to-do items for the day, pick only the most important three (3) for the day.  Then make sure, when they are completed, to congratulate or reward yourself for a job well done.  (My favorite mini reward is a small piece of chocolate or a handful of nuts.)  Stay focused on what you can do with your resources and time rather than stressing over what you can't accomplish.   Change your perception of what your day holds.  Instead of being irritated you have to drive across town to attend a meeting, choose to enjoy the opportunity to listen to music on the radio or ten minutes of quiet you have been wishing for the past few days.  Do something simple just for you.   (Today I chose to wear a different perfume and put a clip in my hair.)

Remember, you are not alone.  There are many of us doing just what I am suggesting for you.  Live one day at a time, the best you can, then do it again when another day comes. If looking forward to tomorrow gives you hope, go ahead.  If you can look back at yesterday and see how great you were so you can believe in you, go ahead.  The important thing is make the best of today. 

Challenge Yourself



 

When someone suggests a challenge what do you normally think about?
 For many the word triggers negative feelings and thoughts.  Do you picture something hard? Do you shake at the thought of doing something whether you want to or not?  Do you envision yourself in competition and losing?  Do you worry that you might not be able to meet the expectations set?  Do you expect to be laughed at or ridiculed for failing? Do you feel inferior in some way and afraid?
Or are you one for which the word triggers a feeling of excitement?  Do you get anxious to show you are better than someone else?  Do you feel anticipation of something exciting about to begin?  Do you look forward to trying something you may have never done before?
I hope you are the latter, however if you are not, that is OK.  The majority of people I have encountered through the years would find them themselves in the first category, experiencing fear and trepidation. 
The truth is Challenges are a part of everyday life.  You don't always get to pick them, but you do always get to face them.  How you meet the challenges you are given or the ones you give yourself is your choice.  You can develop the skills to master each one in the perfect way for you.  That does not mean that you will always come out the winner, be the best or achieve perfection, but you will always learn and be better in some way.
Among the definitions of Challenge found in Merriam-Webster dictionary are:

• to demand as due or deserved
• to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid or outmoded
• to confront or defy boldly
• to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties
• to invite into competition

The best person to create a challenge for you is you.  No one knows or understands you better.  No one knows better than you what you dreams, wishes and hopes are or the person you want to be now or in the future.   No one knows better than you what your strengths or weaknesses are and how they affect your present circumstances.  Finally no one knows better than you the choices you make each day that either keep you where you are or move you in new directions. 
Thinking about the definitions above, what kind of challenge could you give yourself at this time? Keep in mind, it does not have to be hard, unless you enjoy facing hard challenges.  It does not have to look a certain way.  Remember this is something for you not for someone else so as long as it works for you it doesn't matter how someone else may see it.  It is OK to have fun, to laugh, to incorporate something unusual or to enjoy the process. 
What is it you feel you deserve?  What do you want right now you don't feel you have?  What is it you have wanted but put off because of someone or something else in your life?  Challenge yourself to treat yourself to one thing that comes to mind.  Challenge yourself to do something nice for you.  It might be as simple as taking that long bath you wanted, going to the gym or buying a new outfit.  The challenge may be nothing more than one time saying no to someone so you can say yes to you. 
What is it you have thought more than once about changing?  Is it something about you? Something in your home you wish you could replace or feel you don't need any longer?  What is it about you, your surroundings or relationships you could work on removing, updating or improving?  Maybe it is finally throwing out an article of clothing you have worn for so too many years to admit and buying one that is not so threadbare to replace it.   Updating your home may be as simple as adding a new plant, some new pillows, hanging a new picture or buying a colorful fleece blanket to throw over a favorite chair you just can't bear to part with.   Maybe your challenge is to improve a relationship and all the effort it requires is one smile a day
What is it about you would like to learn, improve, be better at?  What would you like to do more often.   What would it take to arouse or stimulate your passion?   Buy a $2.00 set of children's watercolors and  let your creativity erupt.  There is nothing that triggers a desire to go fishing like finding a new lure or a new wilderness spot.  Challenge yourself to find one "how to" book on something someone said you might not like.  You will be surprised how wrong they were.  
Challenge yourself.   Do it today, tomorrow and even the following day.  Make it fun.  Make it worthwhile.  Make it personal.  Most of all make it fun and easy.  Enjoy one challenge and find out how enjoyable it can be to do it again and again.  Then stand back and look at what occurs and smile.  You Did It. 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/challenge

Messy is a Perception

I love this little e-card.  It so describes my life and my house.  It is also a fun reminder to be aware of how choice allows us to change our perception of circumstances and events. 

Messy is nothing more than someone's expression of their perception.  Perception is generally a result of experiences and beliefs a person has picked up along the journey called life.  However, sometimes the beliefs we pick up or choose to nourish can interfere with how we feel about our present.   For instance, many people have decided that messy is unacceptable, yet what is messy to one person may be acceptable and even comfortable for someone else. 

The good news is that we always have a choice of how we feel and how we look at things.  Stop for a moment and look at how you feel at this moment.  Do you see yourself as happy or sad?  Is your life perfect or would you like to make a few changes?   Is you life busy taking children to and from activities or is it filled with short moments of time bonding, teaching or supporting?  When you look at your surroundings do you see toys and personal items out of place or do you see remnants of projects (crayons, papers, glue),   efforts to be their best (combs, brushes, curling irons), or the joy of entertainment (open books, toys, puzzles, 1/2 empty soda bottles)?   If you choose to see the first you may also choose to feel bad, to feel like you are not in control or doing what you think others believe you should be doing.  If you choose the second, you may choose to feel like you are a member of family,  doing OK without being perfect and not responsible for everything alone.

I encourage you to remember you can change your perception at any moment.  I challenge you to do it now.  What can you look at  in a different way, from a different angle or in a different light?  What choice can you make in this moment to release tension and stress and be more accepting of just what is in this moment.   Go for it and enjoy yourself, whether for a few seconds, minutes or hours. 

I Can Handle Everything...

These are the first few words of a quote a friend gave me one day at the office on a day we were both handling a number of unusual client and administrative requests.

“I can handle everything life throws at me. I can either handle it well or handle it bad; either way I have to handle it. “

I can’t see anything but truth in this thought. It is really a very empowering statement for anyone. As life comes along, whether it drags or seems to be speeding along, we each get to handle it. What we receive may be something big, demanding our highest level of attention and efforts or so small we handle it so quickly we hardly notice it was there.

We may not even handle similar life events or recurring situations the same way each time, yet somehow we handle it each time. Sometimes we handle what life gives us with a smile, sometimes with a groan and occasionally with deep emotion, but we handle it. Most times we walk away with the knowledge we were at our best and successful while occasionally we walk away wishing we could have done more or found a better way to handle the moments. No matter how it is measured on the spectrum, we did handle it. We handled it, made it through and stood ready for the next thing life was preparing.

Thankfully, we do not always have to handle life alone. Along with everything life throws us to handle, life also throws us friends, family and teachers that can aid us. We may still handle the majority of things life throws us on our own terms, in our own way, based on our our own experiences but we are better armed than we might have otherwise been because of the people life put in place for us to reach out to, lean on or on a rare occasion even hand the problem to and trust they can handle it for us.

I encourage everyone to realize that no matter what life throws at us, whether it is something we look forward to and prepare for something that takes us completely by surprise, we can handles. We are naturally armed with everything we need.  The only variable is whether we handle it well, alright or less than perfectly.  In the end we will handle it in some way.