Five (5) Reasons to Not Let Depression Control You

"Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, it is estimated that 5% of adults suffer from the disorder. It is characterized by persistent sadness and a lack of interest or pleasure in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities. It can also disturb sleep and appetite. Tiredness and poor concentration are common. Depression is a leading cause of disability around the world and contributes greatly to the global burden of disease. The effects of depression can be long-lasting or recurrent and can dramatically affect a person’s ability to function and live a rewarding life." (as defined by the World Health Organization (WHO))

As someone who has experience from personally experiencing depression during different periods of life, as well as assisting others through challenges, I have learned to be open to recognizing behaviors and thoughts which often accompany or proceed depression.   I have found many times, if we can identify the beginning of our particular cycles we can better manage the depths of despair.  I have also seen, in most cases, having a reason to stay in control  of emotions greatly increases the ability to more quickly cope and overcome feelings of depression.  Below are 5 reasons that people have identified as helpful.   

1. Family – It can be very vexing to loved one’s when you are depressed. On one hand they want nothing but the best for you, but on the other they sometimes get frustrated and wonder why you can’t simply snap out of it. It can be particularly hard on children of someone with depression as it may affect their outlook on life for many years to come. Having experienced this myself, I can say definitely this the number one reason to fight your depression.
2. Work - Work life generally suffers when in the throes of depression. It is more difficult to concentrate and not as easy to create and maintain good professional working relationships and partnerships. Furthermore, it makes being a “Self-starter” more unlikely. Rather than moving forward, maintaining the status-quo becomes more acceptable, even if only unconsciously. 
3. Love – The love life of a person with depression can suffer tremendously. Regardless of How much someone may profess their dedication to another person, if the other person can never see the bright side, it can wear on them. Life is short, right? Love conquers A WHOLE LOT, but it doesn’t conquer everything. Sometimes we must add internal fortitude to love to truly be invincible. Besides isn’t it better to fight, not just for you, but for this person that you love as well?
4. Health – University studies have proven that people who are depressed are more likely to get sick, and more likely to die of an illness than those who are content. It is in your benefit, health wise, to fight your depression as well. A recent New York Times article, citing a University study, indicated that persons who have been diagnosed as depressed have more hospital visits, and a shorter lifespan.
5. Prosperity – The depressed person sometimes lacks clarity of thought, and may miss golden opportunities to improve their lives if only they had been paying attention. This may be, perhaps, the most important point, since many people believe they would be happier if only this part of their life, or that part of their life, etc was different. Allowing good things to happen in your life might just give you the jump start needed to end the cycle of depression and self imposed-isolation (even if only figuratively).

Fighting depression can actually be a reward in many ways.  You become stronger, both mentally and physically.  As you fight and win, you feel more self-esteem.  This flows over into performing better a work.  As you feel better about yourself, you create better relationships and can focus on what is reallyimportant in life so you can improve it, for yourself, your family, friends and loved ones.  

Sometimes- Do What's Best for You

Sometimes you have to do whats best for you and your life not what's best for everyone else.



This is really appropriate for me right now.  It is a reminder to fill my own bucket with love and good moments so that I have a reserve I can use for others.

For me, that means I work on getting some of my stories ready to publish and not worry about whether the house is in the best shape it could be. It means I don't feel guilty about taking myself to lunch at an inexpensive restaurant.  It means I choose to not feel guilty about going to see my parents because it means the family will need to wait an extra hour or two for dinner.  It means getting up early to take a bubble bath alone, lighting only a single candle and playing some soothing music.  It means buying a new CD to listen to on the way to work instead of the news or traffic reports.   It even means volunteering to be on the board of the HOA. (OK, that one will take some explaining at a later date.)

So why are these little breaks and changes important to me?  Because they evoke a change. A relaxing bath alone allows me to relax muscles tightening from stress or pent up feelings.  A soothing bath for me is the best place to allow tears to flow and mingle with the calm around me.  When I emerge from the tub, I am relaxed and  can handle the interruptions and demands with more patience and understanding instead of instantly reacting.  Taking myself to lunch interrupts the pressures and stress of an especially frantic, eventful day. The hour it takes to be served and eat allows enough time to focus on something beside the office politics. I can back away from the issues and see where or with whom the problem lies and disengage myself  from trying to make everything better or take blame for something that wasn't my problem in the first place.  I can then return to work, be more supportive of finding a solution and look at options instead of just reacting to what was said or done.     Whenever I visit  my parents, I always seem to leave with a feeling that I can handle whatever life throws me.  It is not always something they necessarily say or do, but when I see them I am reminded that struggles come and go, and all we really need to do is just keep doing and being our best. 

The point is, for even a few minutes, once in a while it is OK to think of yourself first, and the important people of your life second.  It is OK to handle your stress, depression, mood or feelings.  It is OK to find a refreshing release from the pressures of work, family, church or self-expectations for short moments so that you can come back to all of these things with a fresh attitude or perspective.  It is OK to fill your bucket with love, peace and happiness.  When you do you have something to share with others.  When you fill your bucket with things that make you feel good, it will naturally, without effort spill over to others around you. 

Stress Less - Trust More

Yesterday I was informed that my well paying job is definitely going to end in the next few months.  The first step is that my hours are cut by more tan half to only 20 hours a week. Then the job will be phased out in the next few weeks or months.  I could see the signs but hoped we could find a different solution (more contract work, more research to support sales, assisting marketing, QA testing of the new features...).  

Because I am not typical, and my first thought was how this would affect others, I went to the sales manager of our branch office to let him know the schedule change so he could work with the other members of his sales team in scheduling when contracts can be sent and prepared.  (You see one of the things some of my co-workers and employer have never fully grasped, is that one of my greatest work strengths is that I think and care about what is best for the company before I think about what is best for me.)

Then I began to stress.  How am I going to pay the bills with only half a salary?  I can barely make ends meet now?  I have used up all my savings, so there is nothing to fall back on.  My net income with the reduced salary will barely cover the mortgage payment, so how am I going to pay utilities, car payment, insurances, etc?    I am at the age when most people are retiring, but I have just committed to raising a four and five year old for many years to come.  The job market for people my age is limited as many employers are hesitant to hire older people.  Yesterday there were a lot of things I could think of to stress over, these being only a few thoughts.

However, as I have learned, the best thing that stress does is get our mind moving.  It is our choice which way we let the stress direct us.  Stress can lead to depression, despair, a feeling of uselessness or failure, feelings of loneliness or looking for ways to numb the pain and thoughts. On the other hand stress can also lead to improvements, self-evaluation, changes, new ideas, different actions, new decisions and creativity.  Part of the reason I can clearly see both options is that I have traveled both sides many times, and have learned, at least for myself, it is okay to feel the stress, even to experience the despair and negative thoughts for a short period, as long as in the end I choose to walk, march or even run down the side that leads to new opportunities and choices.

So at this moment in life I get to choose.  Today my choice is to trust more.  I choose to trust that the situation is/will be for my benefit and the benefit of my family in the end. I trust that a higher source (my Father in Heaven) knows what lies ahead and will bless me and my family as needed.   I choose to trust that I will be able to find ways to work within what financial means I am still blessed with.  I choose to trust I am wise enough to make good choices and strong enough to make the choices work.  I choose to trust my family to understand that changes may need to be made in responsibilities, time and effort by them as well as myself.  I trust that as I open myself to learning and new ideas the teachers/mentors will appear,  I will recognize them as such and trust their advice or guidance.

I invite you to journey with me as I remember, share and practice life skills as I move through the next few weeks.  Together I know all will be well.

More Than One Day

I try to take life just one day at a time
...but lately several days have attacked me at once.  (Life as I see it- Feel it- Live it- Welcome to it)

Wow, I don't know about you, but this is surely true for me at times, particularly lately.  Very few of my days lately have been even close to boring or peaceful.  What little time I had between work, caring for the home, church obligations and family needs has been added to with extra appointments, court ordered visits, medical follow-ups and additional family responsibilities.  My writing time seemed to evaporate (again) as I made other things my priority.

So how do you or I cope when this happens?  Just as we have been doing- one day at a time.  It may feel like we are asked or expected to accomplish more than can fit in a single day, but the days do still come one at a time.

What you can do is be flexible and kind to yourself. Find a moment to take a deep breath.  What would you normally be doing during a particular time which is now filled with an usual demand for your attention?  Can the normally scheduled activity be done at a later time (perhaps tomorrow) or could it even be dismissed until the next time it might already be scheduled?  Instead of trying to accomplish everything on a list of to-do items for the day, pick only the most important three (3) for the day.  Then make sure, when they are completed, to congratulate or reward yourself for a job well done.  (My favorite mini reward is a small piece of chocolate or a handful of nuts.)  Stay focused on what you can do with your resources and time rather than stressing over what you can't accomplish.   Change your perception of what your day holds.  Instead of being irritated you have to drive across town to attend a meeting, choose to enjoy the opportunity to listen to music on the radio or ten minutes of quiet you have been wishing for the past few days.  Do something simple just for you.   (Today I chose to wear a different perfume and put a clip in my hair.)

Remember, you are not alone.  There are many of us doing just what I am suggesting for you.  Live one day at a time, the best you can, then do it again when another day comes. If looking forward to tomorrow gives you hope, go ahead.  If you can look back at yesterday and see how great you were so you can believe in you, go ahead.  The important thing is make the best of today. 

Simplicity Reduces Stress

I wanted to share this picture and it's message with you, especially at this time of the year.  During the holiday season so many of us experience an extra dose of stress.  If you are anything like me, some of this stress is caused by personal expectations, wishes or desires to please others.  It is also caused by the excitement of others as they share what they are planning, buying, doing or receiving.  All around are examples of how things should look, smell, taste, sound or feel.  I know I find myself getting caught up in all the perceived good things of the season.  I want to do it all, yet stress because my money, time, energy, family responsibilities and circumstances do not match what I may dream of or what others are blessed to be able to create or have. 

I encourage you to post this picture somewhere in your home as a reminder to relax. (Mine is going to be in my bedroom where I will see it everyday.).  Remember you are you, with all your strengths and weaknesses, chances and challenges, and you do not have to be like or have everything someone else may.  It is OK to be different.  It is OK to choose simplicity.  It is OK to not do it all.

 

Perhaps my sharing some of the choices I am making will help you decide how you can reduce your own stress.  These work for me and I trust you will find what works for you. 

 

I wanted to have a nice Christmas tree.  I have a variety of ornaments I could choose from (angels, gold or silver ornaments, wooden vintage children's ornaments, M&M characters/lights, or Santa) and find myself stressing every year over which ones to use.  Well, shopping at a local store I found some red & gold ribbon I was impressed to buy. In that moment my decision was made.  I would go with gold, and keep it simple.   The day we decorated the tree, I let the grandchildren do it all.  We unboxed the tree, and while I prepared lunch the kids pulled the branches down and "bushed up" the tree.  Instead of stringing beads of ivory and gold all around the tree or adding another string of multi-colored lights to the white lights the tree already had, I took the ribbon and zig-sagged it across the front of the tree.  Then I opened the box of ornaments and let the grand kids place the gold ornaments where they wanted.  Within 1/2 hour the tree was "perfect" according to their standards (even though someone else pointed out to me that there were a few spots with no ornaments and other spots that had two or three together). 

 

I had the idea of stringing some lights around the window.  It sounded simple, but the hooks I had purchased were not strong enough to hold the string of lights I had found, so instead of stressing over how to make the lights stay in the window, we chose to simply drape them over the top of the fireplace mantle.   The grandkids love it, and it took no more than 3 minutes to do. 

 

While other neighbors have lights around every window and over every bush or lighted displays across their lawns, we will be happy placing two lighted ornaments in our front window, and purchase a set of  10 solar pathway lights.  Again, this is something the grandchildren can set up so there is no stress for me other than the purchase and turning on and off the switch each night. 

 

We have a party at my home on Christmas Eve for my family.  This year I am choosing a very simple menu.  I have a 3 burner buffet set which my son gave me a few years ago.  This year instead of making sandwiches or a variety of various vegetable or fruit trays, crackers & cheeses, I am offering a choice of 3 soups (canned, so all I have to do is pour in and heat)  and some pre-packaged rolls along with a tray of cookies and a bowl of nuts.

 

Take a few minutes and see how you can simplify your holiday.  Reduce your stress and don't worry about others may think.  You are the person most important in your life, and the less stress you have the more joy and happiness you can experience.   Please feel free to let me know what you decide.  I and others are always looking for new ways to simplify and reduce stress.