Sometimes- Do What's Best for You

Sometimes you have to do whats best for you and your life not what's best for everyone else.



This is really appropriate for me right now.  It is a reminder to fill my own bucket with love and good moments so that I have a reserve I can use for others.

For me, that means I work on getting some of my stories ready to publish and not worry about whether the house is in the best shape it could be. It means I don't feel guilty about taking myself to lunch at an inexpensive restaurant.  It means I choose to not feel guilty about going to see my parents because it means the family will need to wait an extra hour or two for dinner.  It means getting up early to take a bubble bath alone, lighting only a single candle and playing some soothing music.  It means buying a new CD to listen to on the way to work instead of the news or traffic reports.   It even means volunteering to be on the board of the HOA. (OK, that one will take some explaining at a later date.)

So why are these little breaks and changes important to me?  Because they evoke a change. A relaxing bath alone allows me to relax muscles tightening from stress or pent up feelings.  A soothing bath for me is the best place to allow tears to flow and mingle with the calm around me.  When I emerge from the tub, I am relaxed and  can handle the interruptions and demands with more patience and understanding instead of instantly reacting.  Taking myself to lunch interrupts the pressures and stress of an especially frantic, eventful day. The hour it takes to be served and eat allows enough time to focus on something beside the office politics. I can back away from the issues and see where or with whom the problem lies and disengage myself  from trying to make everything better or take blame for something that wasn't my problem in the first place.  I can then return to work, be more supportive of finding a solution and look at options instead of just reacting to what was said or done.     Whenever I visit  my parents, I always seem to leave with a feeling that I can handle whatever life throws me.  It is not always something they necessarily say or do, but when I see them I am reminded that struggles come and go, and all we really need to do is just keep doing and being our best. 

The point is, for even a few minutes, once in a while it is OK to think of yourself first, and the important people of your life second.  It is OK to handle your stress, depression, mood or feelings.  It is OK to find a refreshing release from the pressures of work, family, church or self-expectations for short moments so that you can come back to all of these things with a fresh attitude or perspective.  It is OK to fill your bucket with love, peace and happiness.  When you do you have something to share with others.  When you fill your bucket with things that make you feel good, it will naturally, without effort spill over to others around you. 

Doing Your Best

"If you are doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure." - H. Jackson Brown.

The first thing I note in this quote is that we have to be "doing".   It doesn't say we can just be wishing, hoping, waiting or trying.  It says we must be doing our best. We must be engaged in something. 

Second, it doesn't define what best is.  It says "your best" and the only one that can measure "your best" is you. Every person is unique. Everyone has their own personal measure of when they are best in a particular area. Even individually, best is not the same in all areas of our life.  One definition for best is "that which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable". Anytime you find yourself saying "I can do better" take it as a personal clue you are not performing at your best.  Then step up, do more and enjoy the pleasure of feeling you are outstanding.   

Third, if you are doing your best you cannot be experiencing failure.  Best is defined as "that which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable."   Failure is defined as "lack of success" or "omission of expected or required action".   Excellence and lack cannot exist at the same time.  Anytime you are doing your best, by your own definition, you are succeeding.  If you are doing your best you are acting excellent, which means you are performing expected or required action.   

Remember, that the word best is often a comparative term.  Be careful to avoid comparing yourself to others.  As I said, no one can define "your best" but you. No two people can be best at the same thing, but two people can be doing their best in the same area and both be considered excellent.  It is okay for two people to be doing their best and not be at the same level of excellence.  One person, such as a concert pianist,  may have had years of practice, opportunities and skill building experience and his personal best is personally defined at a high level of performance.  The second person, a beginning music student,  may be taking the first steps to developing the skill or talent and his best is exactly what he is presently doing with the learning and practice he now has.

Don't be discouraged by people who say you can never be or be at "your best".  Remember that "you best" is also a measure of where you are at one particular moment.  Being best right now does not mean you cannot or should not improve or change.  The definition of better as "more excellently or effectively" offers the hope.  You may be excellent at what you are doing today.  Tomorrow or the next, with time and practice you may become more excellent and your personal best may reach a new lever.  On the other hand, tomorrow may bring challenges and different circumstances. Your benchmark may shift to a lower level, but still be considered excellent. The track star running on a dry field may have a record of two minutes for today, but his best time may be closer to three minutes tomorrow and still be considered excellent or his best because tomorrow the track was muddy and slippery after the rain,

My encouragement to you is to strive to be your best at whatever you are doing or whoever you are at this time   Don't worry if you do not perform or act as someone else you see or hear about.   Decide each day what is your best for that day, and enjoy being or doing the best you can in any moment.  Look at your accomplishments today.  Remember success and failure cannot coexist. 

Well Done Is Better Than Well Said

I have been doing a lot of research lately and I have found this thought comes to my mind often as I sift through all the material and look for information. 

 

Sometimes in life things become so overwhelming that you find you need to pause, sift through what you have or are looking for and set a limit.  You have to decide what is important and what you can let go or walk away from. You have to create your own level of deciding what is of worth to you in the present moment.  Circumstances change, so it is okay if you find what you decide today you feel differently about at a later time. 
I decided to do some research lately on writing, for business, as a business or just for fun.  What makes the difference between a well written story or book and a best seller?  As you can imagine, there are hundreds of books already written and many more everyday coming out everyday on "How To......(write a novel, write good characters, write a plot, write a novel in X days, or write a book in X hours).  I could see quickly, with so many to choose from, I needed to narrow my search.  So I decided to look for authors who I admired because of their well done best seller novels or books. What I found is that those who are busy creating the stories and books I love to read are not the ones out there expounding how to do it.  I noticed that they are examples to me of well done is better than well said.   Their accomplishments speak louder than any words they can speak and are much more powerful.  They don't tell how to write, they show how to write with feeling, power or personal knowledge.

Saying I am a writer means nothing if I am not putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard or screen to paper.    I have to do these thing well before I can say they are well done.   Until I share what I write I am a writer not a teacher or author.  It is the well done act of sharing that makes the difference.   I can write as many pages as I want but it is the well done act of combining them into a book you can enjoy or learn from that makes the difference between saying I am a writer and saying I am an author.  Well Done is better than Well Said. 

This concept can be a positive motivation tool in everyday choices.  It is better to do, to act, to move, to take a step than to just say you are going to.   How many tasks, jobs, chores or projects do you accomplish during a day?  Do you consider them well done?   Did you use a skill, tools, instruments, knowledge, energy, effort or personal intuition?  Give yourself credit for a job well done.  Never mind whether someone else from their experience or perspective considers it well done, you are the one whose opinion counts.   

So take a moment today to stop and see how you can use this idea in your life.  Make this phrase personal to you.  Share it.  Show it.  Say it.   Be the best you possible today.