In Three Words

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - It Goes On." - Robert Frost

It certainly does.  Life goes on whether we want it to or not.  Sometimes we are glad it moves and other times we may regret that it moves so quickly.  Yet no matter what we wish, it continues to go on with or without our permission or opinions.

So what do we do about it?  We allow it to go on while doing the best we can in each given moment.  We allow ourselves to be whoever and whatever we are at the time, whether it is our best, worst or average.  We don't judge either the moment or ourselves as good or bad. We allow life to go on, understanding and knowing that in the end it really doesn't matter because, since life does go on, there is always another chance, another beginning or even another ending coming.

You are proof that life does go on and that whatever it takes or brings along with it is OK.  How can I say this?  Because you and I are OK.  We are living our lives individually and alongside each other.  We may have different experiences, perspectives, ideas and beliefs, but we have all experience growth due to the movement of time.  We have grown from infants to toddlers to children to teens and become either a young or older adult.  None of us were able to stop life from going forward in our past anymore than we can now stop it from continuing now.  So we might as well enjoy the journey and move along with life as it unfolds.  Take the time to enjoy and remember moments, for when life seems to be moving too fast it will be those moments and memories that will make it OK. 

Enjoy the Little Things - Now

Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

I can truly echo this statement, for through my own experiences I have learned the importance of looking for and enjoying the little things as they happen.  We cannot recapture the moments and time moves forward whether we want it to or not.  What we do not appreciate and enjoy now can only be remembered later. 

Even when we know we should be enjoying the little things we do not always do so.  We may be so focused on something else in the moment that we barely react.  A mother, busy tying a shoe for a toddler may offer her cheek for a goodbye kiss from a spouse or another child as they leave, accepting the action as something small and routine for each of them.  The underlying steady love, appreciation and support may not fully be appreciated until later, when the children or spouse are no longer willing or present to share their love on a daily basis.

In our busy, active lives we schedule the activities and appointments that demand our attention or we are afraid may be forgotten.  While these places to be and things to do seem of the most importance, it is really the small things, unwritten, occurring between the lines that end up being the big things, the things remembered. .  Making sure you get the child to the game on time is important, right now, but what he will remember isn’t whether you made it early or late, but rather the talks that occurred during those rides or the ice cream after a loss.   Your daughter won’t remember whether you were late for a parent-teacher conference or a dance lesson but she will remember hearing you express your pride in her for the talents and skills you know she has. 

Sometimes it is our perceptions that hamper us from enjoying the little things.  As a mother, you pick up the crayons and torn crumpled piece of paper with what to your adult eyes appears to be nothing more than scribbles of lines and shapes with no meaning.  To you it is simply another piece of paper to be thrown away, until the little boy comes running in.  He is excited you found his drawing and boisterously explains what the lines, spaces, shapes and colors represent. A small piece of paper changes, with understanding, into his masterpiece for the day, a true work of art to be cherished.

 As our lives change we realize some of the small things we may have taken for granted in the past.   A frazzled mother, surrounded by screaming toddlers racing past her, looks back to a time when they slept peacefully for hours at a time, or forward a few hours to the hope of the quiet after bedtime.  The father who reluctantly played catch with a little boy one night now stands surrounded by the trophies the gift of a few minutes resulted in.  An aging grandparent reminisces about days of cookie covered tables, paper creations and chocolate covered faces as she listens on the phone to a grandchild tell her about his latest school project. 

At times we simply do not appreciate the little things until we recognize that the small things we take for granted are or would be the big things to someone else.  A father complains about how expensive it is to feed and clothe a child until the childless couple next door asks if  he will allow them to be a Secret Friend because they just want to share their love with the children they know and care about.   A mother apologizes for the crayon and sticky fingerprints on the wall  and the toys on the floor until  the visitor she thought she needed to impress begins crying and explains she lost a child to illness and wishes she could experience the wonder of wall art, growth prints and learning objects again. 

Whether small or big, I encourage us all to experience these things now.  Enjoy the moments of your life now, and reflect joyfully on them later.   

More Than One Day

I try to take life just one day at a time
...but lately several days have attacked me at once.  (Life as I see it- Feel it- Live it- Welcome to it)

Wow, I don't know about you, but this is surely true for me at times, particularly lately.  Very few of my days lately have been even close to boring or peaceful.  What little time I had between work, caring for the home, church obligations and family needs has been added to with extra appointments, court ordered visits, medical follow-ups and additional family responsibilities.  My writing time seemed to evaporate (again) as I made other things my priority.

So how do you or I cope when this happens?  Just as we have been doing- one day at a time.  It may feel like we are asked or expected to accomplish more than can fit in a single day, but the days do still come one at a time.

What you can do is be flexible and kind to yourself. Find a moment to take a deep breath.  What would you normally be doing during a particular time which is now filled with an usual demand for your attention?  Can the normally scheduled activity be done at a later time (perhaps tomorrow) or could it even be dismissed until the next time it might already be scheduled?  Instead of trying to accomplish everything on a list of to-do items for the day, pick only the most important three (3) for the day.  Then make sure, when they are completed, to congratulate or reward yourself for a job well done.  (My favorite mini reward is a small piece of chocolate or a handful of nuts.)  Stay focused on what you can do with your resources and time rather than stressing over what you can't accomplish.   Change your perception of what your day holds.  Instead of being irritated you have to drive across town to attend a meeting, choose to enjoy the opportunity to listen to music on the radio or ten minutes of quiet you have been wishing for the past few days.  Do something simple just for you.   (Today I chose to wear a different perfume and put a clip in my hair.)

Remember, you are not alone.  There are many of us doing just what I am suggesting for you.  Live one day at a time, the best you can, then do it again when another day comes. If looking forward to tomorrow gives you hope, go ahead.  If you can look back at yesterday and see how great you were so you can believe in you, go ahead.  The important thing is make the best of today. 

Messy is a Perception

I love this little e-card.  It so describes my life and my house.  It is also a fun reminder to be aware of how choice allows us to change our perception of circumstances and events. 

Messy is nothing more than someone's expression of their perception.  Perception is generally a result of experiences and beliefs a person has picked up along the journey called life.  However, sometimes the beliefs we pick up or choose to nourish can interfere with how we feel about our present.   For instance, many people have decided that messy is unacceptable, yet what is messy to one person may be acceptable and even comfortable for someone else. 

The good news is that we always have a choice of how we feel and how we look at things.  Stop for a moment and look at how you feel at this moment.  Do you see yourself as happy or sad?  Is your life perfect or would you like to make a few changes?   Is you life busy taking children to and from activities or is it filled with short moments of time bonding, teaching or supporting?  When you look at your surroundings do you see toys and personal items out of place or do you see remnants of projects (crayons, papers, glue),   efforts to be their best (combs, brushes, curling irons), or the joy of entertainment (open books, toys, puzzles, 1/2 empty soda bottles)?   If you choose to see the first you may also choose to feel bad, to feel like you are not in control or doing what you think others believe you should be doing.  If you choose the second, you may choose to feel like you are a member of family,  doing OK without being perfect and not responsible for everything alone.

I encourage you to remember you can change your perception at any moment.  I challenge you to do it now.  What can you look at  in a different way, from a different angle or in a different light?  What choice can you make in this moment to release tension and stress and be more accepting of just what is in this moment.   Go for it and enjoy yourself, whether for a few seconds, minutes or hours. 

Night Talk

I found this picture again the other day as I was browsing through some pictures I had saved from browsing sessions on FaceBook I don't know about you, but this happens to me frequently.  The most frequent time for me is in the middle of the night.  I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but a few hours later, I awake for some reason, but now I can't get back to sleep.  It is as though my mind decides, since it gave me 2 or 3 hours of rest, now I have no reason to do anything other than think, remember, plan, worry, fret or wonder. 

So, what do I do?  Nothing.  I allow my mind to wander and stop worrying about whether I should or should not be sleeping.   I find that this is also my most productive thinking time.  I have found, at least for myself, that paying attention makes my next day(s) go much smoother. 

Most often it is not the words I pay attention to as much as the feelings and emotions I experience.  Perhaps I am rehearsing words I wish I could say to someone but know it would not be a good idea or I am afraid of the results.  I don't necessarily want to fight with someone, but I do want to feel I have control or a choice in a particular situation.  If the thoughts are about something that has already happened, I take the opportunity to look at the feeling of whether I feel good about what happened, how I reacted or the outcome.  Recognizing the lasting feelings, I can readjust my reactions to the outcome, either accepting what is or coming up with a way to create a different outcome I can feel differently about.   Sometimes the thoughts are about something I need to do at work or forgot to do that day.  In this case it is not always the project or assignment I am stressing over, but rather a desire to be more efficient, focused or aware.  Knowing this is the real reason I may be awake, I can release the emotion and move past it, focusing on the strengths I have rather than the weaknesses that occasionally get in the way of being my best self.      

I have also found, the sooner I give in to letting my thoughts wander, not only can I get to sleep sooner rather than later, but I also sleep more soundly and wake more refreshed,  My mind and my body relax together and I get the sleep I need, not a set number of hours per say, but enough that I feel energized and able to accomplish whatever I need during the day. 

I would love to hear from you about what you do to get your brain to stop talking to itself  It is sharing that helps us all.   

Here is hoping you have a good night's rest.