Simplicity Reduces Stress

I wanted to share this picture and it's message with you, especially at this time of the year.  During the holiday season so many of us experience an extra dose of stress.  If you are anything like me, some of this stress is caused by personal expectations, wishes or desires to please others.  It is also caused by the excitement of others as they share what they are planning, buying, doing or receiving.  All around are examples of how things should look, smell, taste, sound or feel.  I know I find myself getting caught up in all the perceived good things of the season.  I want to do it all, yet stress because my money, time, energy, family responsibilities and circumstances do not match what I may dream of or what others are blessed to be able to create or have. 

I encourage you to post this picture somewhere in your home as a reminder to relax. (Mine is going to be in my bedroom where I will see it everyday.).  Remember you are you, with all your strengths and weaknesses, chances and challenges, and you do not have to be like or have everything someone else may.  It is OK to be different.  It is OK to choose simplicity.  It is OK to not do it all.

 

Perhaps my sharing some of the choices I am making will help you decide how you can reduce your own stress.  These work for me and I trust you will find what works for you. 

 

I wanted to have a nice Christmas tree.  I have a variety of ornaments I could choose from (angels, gold or silver ornaments, wooden vintage children's ornaments, M&M characters/lights, or Santa) and find myself stressing every year over which ones to use.  Well, shopping at a local store I found some red & gold ribbon I was impressed to buy. In that moment my decision was made.  I would go with gold, and keep it simple.   The day we decorated the tree, I let the grandchildren do it all.  We unboxed the tree, and while I prepared lunch the kids pulled the branches down and "bushed up" the tree.  Instead of stringing beads of ivory and gold all around the tree or adding another string of multi-colored lights to the white lights the tree already had, I took the ribbon and zig-sagged it across the front of the tree.  Then I opened the box of ornaments and let the grand kids place the gold ornaments where they wanted.  Within 1/2 hour the tree was "perfect" according to their standards (even though someone else pointed out to me that there were a few spots with no ornaments and other spots that had two or three together). 

 

I had the idea of stringing some lights around the window.  It sounded simple, but the hooks I had purchased were not strong enough to hold the string of lights I had found, so instead of stressing over how to make the lights stay in the window, we chose to simply drape them over the top of the fireplace mantle.   The grandkids love it, and it took no more than 3 minutes to do. 

 

While other neighbors have lights around every window and over every bush or lighted displays across their lawns, we will be happy placing two lighted ornaments in our front window, and purchase a set of  10 solar pathway lights.  Again, this is something the grandchildren can set up so there is no stress for me other than the purchase and turning on and off the switch each night. 

 

We have a party at my home on Christmas Eve for my family.  This year I am choosing a very simple menu.  I have a 3 burner buffet set which my son gave me a few years ago.  This year instead of making sandwiches or a variety of various vegetable or fruit trays, crackers & cheeses, I am offering a choice of 3 soups (canned, so all I have to do is pour in and heat)  and some pre-packaged rolls along with a tray of cookies and a bowl of nuts.

 

Take a few minutes and see how you can simplify your holiday.  Reduce your stress and don't worry about others may think.  You are the person most important in your life, and the less stress you have the more joy and happiness you can experience.   Please feel free to let me know what you decide.  I and others are always looking for new ways to simplify and reduce stress.

 

Messy is a Perception

I love this little e-card.  It so describes my life and my house.  It is also a fun reminder to be aware of how choice allows us to change our perception of circumstances and events. 

Messy is nothing more than someone's expression of their perception.  Perception is generally a result of experiences and beliefs a person has picked up along the journey called life.  However, sometimes the beliefs we pick up or choose to nourish can interfere with how we feel about our present.   For instance, many people have decided that messy is unacceptable, yet what is messy to one person may be acceptable and even comfortable for someone else. 

The good news is that we always have a choice of how we feel and how we look at things.  Stop for a moment and look at how you feel at this moment.  Do you see yourself as happy or sad?  Is your life perfect or would you like to make a few changes?   Is you life busy taking children to and from activities or is it filled with short moments of time bonding, teaching or supporting?  When you look at your surroundings do you see toys and personal items out of place or do you see remnants of projects (crayons, papers, glue),   efforts to be their best (combs, brushes, curling irons), or the joy of entertainment (open books, toys, puzzles, 1/2 empty soda bottles)?   If you choose to see the first you may also choose to feel bad, to feel like you are not in control or doing what you think others believe you should be doing.  If you choose the second, you may choose to feel like you are a member of family,  doing OK without being perfect and not responsible for everything alone.

I encourage you to remember you can change your perception at any moment.  I challenge you to do it now.  What can you look at  in a different way, from a different angle or in a different light?  What choice can you make in this moment to release tension and stress and be more accepting of just what is in this moment.   Go for it and enjoy yourself, whether for a few seconds, minutes or hours. 

Night Talk

I found this picture again the other day as I was browsing through some pictures I had saved from browsing sessions on FaceBook I don't know about you, but this happens to me frequently.  The most frequent time for me is in the middle of the night.  I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but a few hours later, I awake for some reason, but now I can't get back to sleep.  It is as though my mind decides, since it gave me 2 or 3 hours of rest, now I have no reason to do anything other than think, remember, plan, worry, fret or wonder. 

So, what do I do?  Nothing.  I allow my mind to wander and stop worrying about whether I should or should not be sleeping.   I find that this is also my most productive thinking time.  I have found, at least for myself, that paying attention makes my next day(s) go much smoother. 

Most often it is not the words I pay attention to as much as the feelings and emotions I experience.  Perhaps I am rehearsing words I wish I could say to someone but know it would not be a good idea or I am afraid of the results.  I don't necessarily want to fight with someone, but I do want to feel I have control or a choice in a particular situation.  If the thoughts are about something that has already happened, I take the opportunity to look at the feeling of whether I feel good about what happened, how I reacted or the outcome.  Recognizing the lasting feelings, I can readjust my reactions to the outcome, either accepting what is or coming up with a way to create a different outcome I can feel differently about.   Sometimes the thoughts are about something I need to do at work or forgot to do that day.  In this case it is not always the project or assignment I am stressing over, but rather a desire to be more efficient, focused or aware.  Knowing this is the real reason I may be awake, I can release the emotion and move past it, focusing on the strengths I have rather than the weaknesses that occasionally get in the way of being my best self.      

I have also found, the sooner I give in to letting my thoughts wander, not only can I get to sleep sooner rather than later, but I also sleep more soundly and wake more refreshed,  My mind and my body relax together and I get the sleep I need, not a set number of hours per say, but enough that I feel energized and able to accomplish whatever I need during the day. 

I would love to hear from you about what you do to get your brain to stop talking to itself  It is sharing that helps us all.   

Here is hoping you have a good night's rest. 
 

Make Your Own Sunshine

       There are some days when life just doesn't seem like their is anything to smile about.  The skies are cloudy, the weather is cold, the world outside the window is hazy or foggy and the day holds nothing but tasks and responsibilities. Everything looks gray and depressing, so you allow your feelings of being overwhelmed, tired, listless or sad to govern your thoughts and actions.   Perhaps because you are not at your best your children respond to match your mood, quarreling, crying, misbehaving or demanding extra attention.  


Tulip Delight (MS ClipArt, Online)

     You could choose to stay in this state of mind and body if you wanted, but there is another solution.  Sometimes you have to make your own sunshine.   If the sun doesn't seem to want to shine, it does not have to mean you have to stay in the dark.  You can create your own form of sunshine that changes drab to bright, dark to light and gloomy to happy. 
      It all starts with a smile.  You cannot smile and be sad at the same time.  So turn up the corners of your mouth and smile.  Now find someone to smile at or a reason to smile.
     Change your perspective. If the baby spilled his cereal all over his high chair tray this morning and made a mess you had to clean up, think about his laughter or the fun he had before you cleaned it up as he splashed the milk around and made patterns across the tray.    What was a mess to you was another opportunity of play for him.  Follow his example and create some fun. Give the children some blank paper and crayons and tell them to draw a sun and their favorite thing from outside, then tape them on  a window to look at instead of the gray fog.
      Turn on some music, then tap your foot. dance or sing as you perform your next task. Listen to a favorite record or CD, or turn on the radio and guess what kind of song the DJ will play next. Instill some rhythm to your day.
      Shine something.  I know that sounds silly, but it works.  Take a rag, some soap & water or a spray bottle of cleaner and find something to clean.  The act of wiping and polishing will naturally increase your energy and the pride at making even one thing shine will add a sparkle to your mood.
       Do something silly to start you laughing.   One woman I knew cut the comics from the morning paper.  Then she posted one on every door of her home.  Each time she opened a door she had something she could either laugh or think about to stay positive.   
       You know you better than I do.  You know what makes you happy and changes your mood.  These are  just suggestions that have worked for others.   Be creative and find your own way.  The idea is to know, when life seems less than perfect you have the power to add some sunshine and brighten it back up.  So go.  Do it.  Create a little sunshine, Right Now, Right Where You Are.  

Well Done Is Better Than Well Said

I have been doing a lot of research lately and I have found this thought comes to my mind often as I sift through all the material and look for information. 

 

Sometimes in life things become so overwhelming that you find you need to pause, sift through what you have or are looking for and set a limit.  You have to decide what is important and what you can let go or walk away from. You have to create your own level of deciding what is of worth to you in the present moment.  Circumstances change, so it is okay if you find what you decide today you feel differently about at a later time. 
I decided to do some research lately on writing, for business, as a business or just for fun.  What makes the difference between a well written story or book and a best seller?  As you can imagine, there are hundreds of books already written and many more everyday coming out everyday on "How To......(write a novel, write good characters, write a plot, write a novel in X days, or write a book in X hours).  I could see quickly, with so many to choose from, I needed to narrow my search.  So I decided to look for authors who I admired because of their well done best seller novels or books. What I found is that those who are busy creating the stories and books I love to read are not the ones out there expounding how to do it.  I noticed that they are examples to me of well done is better than well said.   Their accomplishments speak louder than any words they can speak and are much more powerful.  They don't tell how to write, they show how to write with feeling, power or personal knowledge.

Saying I am a writer means nothing if I am not putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard or screen to paper.    I have to do these thing well before I can say they are well done.   Until I share what I write I am a writer not a teacher or author.  It is the well done act of sharing that makes the difference.   I can write as many pages as I want but it is the well done act of combining them into a book you can enjoy or learn from that makes the difference between saying I am a writer and saying I am an author.  Well Done is better than Well Said. 

This concept can be a positive motivation tool in everyday choices.  It is better to do, to act, to move, to take a step than to just say you are going to.   How many tasks, jobs, chores or projects do you accomplish during a day?  Do you consider them well done?   Did you use a skill, tools, instruments, knowledge, energy, effort or personal intuition?  Give yourself credit for a job well done.  Never mind whether someone else from their experience or perspective considers it well done, you are the one whose opinion counts.   

So take a moment today to stop and see how you can use this idea in your life.  Make this phrase personal to you.  Share it.  Show it.  Say it.   Be the best you possible today. 

Serve - Look Beyond Yourself

I have several people I know right now that are dealing with some level of depression.  When asked one of the most powerful tools I use in overcoming depression, my answer, after take care of yourself,  is SERVE.   It is rarely the answer they expect, but from personal experience, it is a powerful key. 
Most people I know, when asked to describe depression, will include feelings of isolation, hopelessness, despair, lack of energy and mental confusion or inability to make decisions.  All of these feelings are personal and real to those that experience any form of depression.  Any of these feelings are a signal you need to shift gears in order to avoid slipping further into despair. 
The first thing is to take care of yourself, starting with making sure you eat and get restful sleep. Call a doctor to make sure there is not a medical problem you are unaware of.   Then do something to lift your spirits and/or make you laugh.  Go for a walk or watching a funny movie works for many people.   Then Smile.
Now comes the shift. Stop dwelling on yourself,  Stop wondering if you are becoming or already are depressed because you probably are, but it is okay.  It is okay and I can assure you are not alone.  So now Look Beyond Yourself. .  Look around and realize there are other people around you.  Each one of them have needs or feelings exactly like yours.  What do you wish could happen to make your life better or easier.   Just as you, they need or want someone to care, to listen, to reach out and offer hope or assistance.  Whatever you decide you need or want,  look beyond yourself to find someone you feel could use that same thing and do it for them.  Call a friend and just tell them you are thinking about them.  Surprise a family member by doing one of their chores or preparing their favorite food.  Ask a family member or friend how they are doing and then just listen.  Send a card to someone to either thank them, tell them something you noticed them do or what you admire about them or a bit of encouragement.  Take a walk and say hello to or smile at 3 people before you get back to your own home.  Pick a flower (or a flowering weed, who cares) and give it to someone, just because they are there at that moment.  Keep it simple. 
The key isn't hard.  They key is to serve or touch someone else instead of looking for it to come to you.  The miracle is that as you do for others you will receive back exactly what you need.  In serving others you may receive the smile, thank you, appreciation, hug or unexpected response that helps in your own healing.   You cannot not give without receiving. You may receive from others or it may be a feeling within, but you will receive something good.  
I encourage you to test this for yourself.  Look Beyond Yourself.  Serve. Receive. 
  

START - Your own way

I had a friend who recently recommended a book for me to read.  
START: Serve, Thank, Ask, Receive, Trust”
― Richie Norton, The Power of Starting Something Stupid: How to Crush Fear, Make Dreams Happen, and Live Without Regret . 

Although I have not yet purchased this book, the message to START something stuck with me.  When I first heard about the book I thought I wanted to dedicate a single blog to each one of these concepts.  I immediately, went into this blog and set up a draft page for each idea, thinking I would come back to them later.  Well, later took much longer than I had anticipated, as it often does as life does not go exactly as we plan.  However, the thought stayed with me that these five words needed to be shared in some way, as they each really do impact our lives every day. Each one of them is a skill to master. 

The words and order the author of this book had chosen were very good for the message he wanted to share. Yet as the weeks have gone on I realized that the power wasn't in the five words he selected the letters to stand for, but in the very word START.    During the past week I have found that what I really wanted to share here was encouragement to just start something.   I found that the word START seemed to change dependent on my own focus for the moment.    For instance, when thinking about a loved one, the words START stood for Serve, Trust, Act, Receive, Thank.   When thinking about goals at work I found that I wrote START as Set Goals, Time Limits, Act, Review, Think Again.   As I began writing this, and another blog post, START stood for Share (these thoughts with you), Trust (that I can touch a  heart or mind), Ask (you to believe in yourself), Receive (the chance to hear back from you) and Thank (you for your trust and trying it for yourself).  

We all have the opportunity to START.  Some may start something new.  Some may start from a place where they last were.  Some may need to start again after a pause or event.  Some may start alone and another may start with a friend.  Some may start today while another may wait to start tomorrow.  Some may start one thing at a time and stick with it while someone else may start many things at once and then work a little on each as time allows.   However, or whatever, your starting place is or what you want to start, it is perfect.  It is perfect for you in some way.  So I encourage to think about what you want to START and go for it.  Go for it with passion, belief and the knowledge you can and will succeed in some way.  It may not be what you expect, but you will not be the same after you have started that you are at this moment.  

The Time is Yours

Oregon Coast

Recently I took a trip with some family members.  It was during some time, sitting on the beach as the little ones played in the sand, I had a chance to think about how the time away from the office and home was a gift I had given myself.   As I thought about this, I reflected on the time we each have each day and the opportunities we have to 'use it or lose it'.  So today I want to share some of these thoughts with you. 
You have a gift that is yours.  Each day you are given 24 hours, commonly called a day to start, continue or end whatever you choose.  You receive the same 24 hours that I do, yet neither of us can give it away to each other or to anyone else. You might share your time with another at a given moment when they are open to sharing their time with you,  Time is not something you can hold in your hand, yet it is as valuable Io your life as breath. 
No one can tell you how to use the hours as they tick away. The choices for each hour are yours alone.  The choices you make of how to use the hours are as uncountable as the seconds and minutes of each hour as they combine into a day.  The choices you make, will at times be similar to mine or someone else's and at other times as different as night is from day. The choices you make will seldom be the same as you made the day before or will likely make tomorrow, yet each choice makes a difference.
The time is yours to use wisely or foolishly, although which it is depends on your perspective or belief.  Floating around in a swimming pool may seem foolish on a day you feel there is not enough time to get everything completed you need or because you are simply in avoidance of something you don;t want to deal with.   Yet floating in the pool on another day may be a wise choice in order overcome the stress of a particularly challenging day.
What will you do with this gift today?  Will you spend it alone, doing something you have been wishing to but didn't think you had the time?  Will you spend it with family or friends in work or play together?  Will you complete a special project at work that will bring you recongnition or financial reward?   Will you be thankful for the time you receive or spend it feeling sorry there is not more angry because someone else is not using their gift the way you think they should.
The time is yours.   Use it as you like. May you enjoy the gift of today.  May you look forward to another gift of time tomorrow.

I Can Handle Everything...

These are the first few words of a quote a friend gave me one day at the office on a day we were both handling a number of unusual client and administrative requests.

“I can handle everything life throws at me. I can either handle it well or handle it bad; either way I have to handle it. “

I can’t see anything but truth in this thought. It is really a very empowering statement for anyone. As life comes along, whether it drags or seems to be speeding along, we each get to handle it. What we receive may be something big, demanding our highest level of attention and efforts or so small we handle it so quickly we hardly notice it was there.

We may not even handle similar life events or recurring situations the same way each time, yet somehow we handle it each time. Sometimes we handle what life gives us with a smile, sometimes with a groan and occasionally with deep emotion, but we handle it. Most times we walk away with the knowledge we were at our best and successful while occasionally we walk away wishing we could have done more or found a better way to handle the moments. No matter how it is measured on the spectrum, we did handle it. We handled it, made it through and stood ready for the next thing life was preparing.

Thankfully, we do not always have to handle life alone. Along with everything life throws us to handle, life also throws us friends, family and teachers that can aid us. We may still handle the majority of things life throws us on our own terms, in our own way, based on our our own experiences but we are better armed than we might have otherwise been because of the people life put in place for us to reach out to, lean on or on a rare occasion even hand the problem to and trust they can handle it for us.

I encourage everyone to realize that no matter what life throws at us, whether it is something we look forward to and prepare for something that takes us completely by surprise, we can handles. We are naturally armed with everything we need.  The only variable is whether we handle it well, alright or less than perfectly.  In the end we will handle it in some way.  

Enjoy Being Creative

Creativity is individual.  It is not something which can be defined, explained or taught.  Creativity is not something exact, able to be replicated exactly the same way each time from one person to another.   The results of creativity can be shared but creativity itself is a gift that cannot be given away.  Creativity is a part of every person.  It may not be developed in the same way, but it still exists for everyone in some form. 
It is a perception of form that keeps many people from enjoying and using their creativity.  They look at a painting someone has done and decide they could never paint that well, so they never pick up a brush and discover the artist hiding within.  Another hears a song on the radio and decides they could never write or sing like that, so they refrain from sharing the lullaby with a child or humming a tune just because the notes seem to come randomly to mind.   Another reads a best selling novel and decides they could never write something as powerful or moving as this story, so they neglect to share their thoughts in a journal, write a story for their child or share a memory in a letter to a friend.  Someone else goes to a fair, intrigued by the beautiful quilts and afghans on display yet feeling they do not have the time or skill to create something that lovely, so they don't enjoy the pleasure of creating a small gift for themselves, a child or a friend.  


From Karla's Karvings (Facebook)

Creativity comes in all forms, and I encourage you to find yours.  It doesn't have to be the same as what someone else does.  Enjoy their creativity.  Look, touch, feel, hear, smell and taste the results of what others create.  Then enjoy your own form of expression and freedom.
I envy the things that my father and sister create from wood.  They both are artists when it comes to carving.  Yet even though they carve the same things, each of their creations are different, and no two carvings are exactly alike.  As for me, I usually end up cutting my finger when I put a pocket knife near a piece of wood, but there was a time when I crafted a fireplace for a doll house I wanted to create.  Not of the same level as my sister's work, but still something I can be proud of.   On the other hand I enjoy writing and have shared as many stories through the years as they have their carvings, with the same enjoyment of enhancing someone else's life.  
The point is, due what you enjoy or what seems natural for you.  Don't worry if it is the same as, different,  better or worse than something someone else creates.  It is what you created, and that makes it unique and beautiful.  It is, whatever it is, something only you could create.  So find your creativity and share it with someone you care about.