You Cannot Complain About What You Allow
I hear you. "Dang! That's not fair." I know. Putting this into practice in your life definitely reduces, in fact almost eliminates, the things you can complain about. Why? The truth is we often allow things to happen or choose to ignore something until the ripple of results show up in a way we don't like, didn't expect or wish we could change. When the ripples settle we often feel complaining somehow makes it easier or will make it go away.
The truth is we are the ones, one way or another, that create our results. Something we did, chose or allowed created what we now have to deal with. Complaining will not change anything now, but making a different choice usually will.
For instance, I do not get to complain about a son-in-law blaming me for not communicating with his daughter over the past few months when I chose, in order to protect his daughter, to not correct his perception of the situation by telling him all the facts and correcting the half-truths he had been told. In making that choice I also allowed him to be abusive to me in front of his grandchildren and scaring them, so after he left, I could not complain when they were excessively clinging to me for the rest of the afternoon and wanting my reassurance everything was OK, they were safe and I was not hurt.
I cannot complain that it is unfair to me after more than a year taking care of my granddaughter and her children, a state agency may consider placing the children with a father who has offered support only if it did not cost him anything, when I myself did not contact him about financially assisting but rather depended on my granddaughter to ask him, knowing he would refuse, if for no other reason than to hurt her. So as unfair, as it seems, I cannot complain now about his belief he should not have to support his children when I have proven all this time I could do it without his help. So now, instead of complaining, I need to stand up allow him to take part financially in caring for what he has been a part of creating and allowing. I might be able to complain if I learn a government agency is more concerned with the rights of the parents than the well-being of the children, unless I do not now, to the best of my ability, stand up for the interests of the children. Right now instead of complaining I need to reach out for help in protecting the children from further harm, abuse or loss of safety and stability.
This is a hard subject for me to write about right now, as there are alot of things going on in my own personal life I wish I could complain about. However, it is also a perfect time for me to write about this as a personal reminder to be aware of what I choose and what I allow to happen to and around me, especially those things which may have consequences- either good or bad- in the future I may have the opportunity to experience in one way or another. What I allow at this time will influence the situations, people or results that I can or cannot complain about later.
Complaining does no good. I am trying to teach an emotional 3 year-old that principle right now. It does not do any good to complain or cry about something we did wrong or didn't go the way we wanted or an accident. What does help is to stop complaining, say I am sorry and find a way to make things better. She can't fix a broken balloon she fell on while she was breaking the rules by running instead of walking through the frontroom. Complaining and crying won't make the balloon come back, but maybe, if she picks up the pieces and puts them away and then cleans up her room she can earn two pennies to buy a new ballon with.
Take a chance today to look at what you want to complain about. How did it result or come about? If you allowed it to occur, you cannot complain. If you had no part of it, then how did you become involved? Why is it something you want to complain about? However it happened, it did. So let it go. Now look at what you can do to improve the present moment or the ones to come. You have heard me say it before, Smile and move forward.
