Live in the Moment - Unless

"Today I will live in the moment unless it is unpleasant in which case I will eat a cookie."  Cookie Monster-  Just for Fun

What better advice can you get?  (Just for the record, a chocolate chip cookie works well, at least for me. ) 

It is OK to have those moments and days when you feel like you just can't cope without some kind of help.  You know the ones, where even from the start, the day feels overwhelming.  You have appointments to get to, work to finish, loved ones to care for, decisions to make or a combination of all.  You know those days too where a good day changes to bad because the children are whining, your supervisor pointed out an error in your work, you and a loved one didn't share the same point of view or in spite of your best efforts the results were not as you expected or desired. 

When those moments occur, let go.  Do something for yourself.  Find a way to relieve the unpleasantness.  Make a choice to see or make the moment different.  Remember, it does not have to look a certain way.  What works for you is perfect.  Take a walk.  Eat a cookie.  Think about something pleasant or find something to laugh at.  Take a moment to look around for something beautiful to enjoy.  Close your eyes, relax and take a deep breath and feel a moment of peace.   Do something unexpected, unusual or even silly.  Eat a piece of chocolate or reach for a favorite piece of fruit.  Sing a song or listen to something you enjoy.

 Remember, it is just a moment.  It will pass. Another moment is on the way.  You are OK in that moment.  You will be OK in the next.  Make the best of whatever the moment is, and if a cookie is the way to make it through-  Go For It and love yourself for doing it. 

More Than One Day

I try to take life just one day at a time
...but lately several days have attacked me at once.  (Life as I see it- Feel it- Live it- Welcome to it)

Wow, I don't know about you, but this is surely true for me at times, particularly lately.  Very few of my days lately have been even close to boring or peaceful.  What little time I had between work, caring for the home, church obligations and family needs has been added to with extra appointments, court ordered visits, medical follow-ups and additional family responsibilities.  My writing time seemed to evaporate (again) as I made other things my priority.

So how do you or I cope when this happens?  Just as we have been doing- one day at a time.  It may feel like we are asked or expected to accomplish more than can fit in a single day, but the days do still come one at a time.

What you can do is be flexible and kind to yourself. Find a moment to take a deep breath.  What would you normally be doing during a particular time which is now filled with an usual demand for your attention?  Can the normally scheduled activity be done at a later time (perhaps tomorrow) or could it even be dismissed until the next time it might already be scheduled?  Instead of trying to accomplish everything on a list of to-do items for the day, pick only the most important three (3) for the day.  Then make sure, when they are completed, to congratulate or reward yourself for a job well done.  (My favorite mini reward is a small piece of chocolate or a handful of nuts.)  Stay focused on what you can do with your resources and time rather than stressing over what you can't accomplish.   Change your perception of what your day holds.  Instead of being irritated you have to drive across town to attend a meeting, choose to enjoy the opportunity to listen to music on the radio or ten minutes of quiet you have been wishing for the past few days.  Do something simple just for you.   (Today I chose to wear a different perfume and put a clip in my hair.)

Remember, you are not alone.  There are many of us doing just what I am suggesting for you.  Live one day at a time, the best you can, then do it again when another day comes. If looking forward to tomorrow gives you hope, go ahead.  If you can look back at yesterday and see how great you were so you can believe in you, go ahead.  The important thing is make the best of today. 

Can't Complain

You Cannot Complain About What You Allow

I hear you.  "Dang! That's not fair."  I know.  Putting this into practice in your life definitely reduces, in fact almost eliminates,  the things you can complain about. Why?   The truth is we often allow things to happen or choose to ignore something until the ripple of results show up in a way we don't like, didn't expect or wish we could change. When the ripples settle we often feel complaining somehow makes it easier or will make it go away. 
The truth is we are the ones, one way or another, that create our results.  Something we did, chose or allowed created what we now have to deal with.  Complaining will not change anything now, but making a different choice usually will. 
For instance, I do not get to complain about a son-in-law blaming me for not communicating with his daughter over the past few months when I chose, in order to protect his daughter, to not correct his perception of the situation by telling him all the facts and correcting the half-truths he had been told.  In making that choice I also allowed him to be abusive to me in front of his grandchildren and scaring them, so after he left, I could not complain when they were excessively clinging to me for the rest of the afternoon and wanting my reassurance everything was OK, they were safe and I was not hurt. 
I cannot complain that it is unfair to me after more than a year taking care of my granddaughter and her children, a state agency may consider placing the children with a father who has offered support only if it did not cost him anything, when I myself did not contact him about financially assisting but rather depended on my granddaughter to ask him, knowing he would refuse, if for no other reason than to hurt her.  So as unfair, as it seems, I cannot complain now about his belief he should not have to support his children when I have proven all this time I could do it without his help.  So now, instead of complaining, I need to stand up allow him to take part financially in caring for what he has been a part of creating and allowing.    I might be able to complain if I learn a government agency is more concerned with the rights of the parents than the well-being of the children, unless I do not now, to the best of my ability, stand up for the interests of the children.  Right now instead of complaining I need to reach out for help in protecting the children from further harm, abuse or loss of safety and stability.  
This is a hard subject for me to write about right now, as there are alot of things going on in my own personal life I wish I could complain about.  However, it is also a perfect time for me to write about this as a personal reminder to be aware of what I choose and what I allow to happen to and around me, especially those things which may have consequences- either good or bad- in the future I may have the opportunity to experience in one way or another.  What I allow at this time will influence the situations, people or results that I can or cannot complain about later. 
Complaining does no good.  I am trying to teach an emotional 3 year-old that principle right now.  It does not do any good to complain or cry about something we did wrong or didn't go the way we wanted or an accident.   What does help is to stop complaining, say I am sorry and find a way to make things better.  She can't fix a broken balloon she fell on while she was breaking the rules by running instead of walking through the frontroom.  Complaining and crying won't make the balloon come back, but maybe, if she picks up the pieces and puts them away and then cleans up her room she can earn two pennies to buy a new ballon with.   
Take a chance today to look at what you want to complain about.  How did it result or come about? If you allowed it to occur, you cannot complain.   If you  had no part of it, then how did you become involved?  Why is it something you want to complain about?   However it happened, it did.  So let it go.  Now look at what you can do to improve the present moment or the ones to come.  You have heard me say it before, Smile and move forward.

Perfect Day

Today is a perfect day to have a perfect day. 
A friend shared this thought with me awhile ago, and ever since I find it comes to mind frequently.  Today I want to share it with you.
Every day begins perfect.  It is new, fresh and ready.  It is a full 24 hours that has never before been available to be used or enjoyed.   It is perfect, clean and untouched, simple in appearance.  Today is a clean slate as yesterday or the past are gone.   Today holds only opportunity. It starts perfect and ends perfectly each time.  
 It is what you do with the day or more importantly how you perceive the happenings and events which occur, or choices and wishes for the day that make it appear as less than perfect. Remember too, sometimes what does not appear as perfect may indeed be perfect, if not for you for someone else or a reason you may not understand in the moment.  If at any moment it appears less than perfect, you can stop, change your view or change your choices. 
Take a few moments right now and think about what you consider a perfect day to be. Does part of your day involve spending time with family or friends? Are you at home, work or somewhere you have been yearning to go?  Is there a portion of your perfect day that is spent relaxing or do you see yourself creating something of value you have not had the time or support to accomplish?  Are you using talents and strengths you feel someone doesn't know about or are you able to do something freely without feeling stress someone will be judging it?  Are you surrounded by nature or strolling leisurely through a museum or gallery or favorite shop?  Would you dine alone or with friends? Would you wake early to take advantage of all hours of the day or would you enjoy turning off the alarm in order to catch up on missed sleep?  Is there a little laughter and fun or are you content to  make it through the day worry and problem free?
Chances are, like most people, you found that there was no single perfect day, but a variety of things you wish you could do or enjoy more often. Did you see how even one choice made the difference?  Did you realize how perfect each day may already be for you? Hopefully, what you discovered is your power to make each day perfect by looking for or creating one moment (or more) you feel is perfect. 
This is a perfect day for you to have a perfect day.  Mine is already perfect because I am able to share with you. 

Challenge Yourself



 

When someone suggests a challenge what do you normally think about?
 For many the word triggers negative feelings and thoughts.  Do you picture something hard? Do you shake at the thought of doing something whether you want to or not?  Do you envision yourself in competition and losing?  Do you worry that you might not be able to meet the expectations set?  Do you expect to be laughed at or ridiculed for failing? Do you feel inferior in some way and afraid?
Or are you one for which the word triggers a feeling of excitement?  Do you get anxious to show you are better than someone else?  Do you feel anticipation of something exciting about to begin?  Do you look forward to trying something you may have never done before?
I hope you are the latter, however if you are not, that is OK.  The majority of people I have encountered through the years would find them themselves in the first category, experiencing fear and trepidation. 
The truth is Challenges are a part of everyday life.  You don't always get to pick them, but you do always get to face them.  How you meet the challenges you are given or the ones you give yourself is your choice.  You can develop the skills to master each one in the perfect way for you.  That does not mean that you will always come out the winner, be the best or achieve perfection, but you will always learn and be better in some way.
Among the definitions of Challenge found in Merriam-Webster dictionary are:

• to demand as due or deserved
• to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid or outmoded
• to confront or defy boldly
• to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties
• to invite into competition

The best person to create a challenge for you is you.  No one knows or understands you better.  No one knows better than you what you dreams, wishes and hopes are or the person you want to be now or in the future.   No one knows better than you what your strengths or weaknesses are and how they affect your present circumstances.  Finally no one knows better than you the choices you make each day that either keep you where you are or move you in new directions. 
Thinking about the definitions above, what kind of challenge could you give yourself at this time? Keep in mind, it does not have to be hard, unless you enjoy facing hard challenges.  It does not have to look a certain way.  Remember this is something for you not for someone else so as long as it works for you it doesn't matter how someone else may see it.  It is OK to have fun, to laugh, to incorporate something unusual or to enjoy the process. 
What is it you feel you deserve?  What do you want right now you don't feel you have?  What is it you have wanted but put off because of someone or something else in your life?  Challenge yourself to treat yourself to one thing that comes to mind.  Challenge yourself to do something nice for you.  It might be as simple as taking that long bath you wanted, going to the gym or buying a new outfit.  The challenge may be nothing more than one time saying no to someone so you can say yes to you. 
What is it you have thought more than once about changing?  Is it something about you? Something in your home you wish you could replace or feel you don't need any longer?  What is it about you, your surroundings or relationships you could work on removing, updating or improving?  Maybe it is finally throwing out an article of clothing you have worn for so too many years to admit and buying one that is not so threadbare to replace it.   Updating your home may be as simple as adding a new plant, some new pillows, hanging a new picture or buying a colorful fleece blanket to throw over a favorite chair you just can't bear to part with.   Maybe your challenge is to improve a relationship and all the effort it requires is one smile a day
What is it about you would like to learn, improve, be better at?  What would you like to do more often.   What would it take to arouse or stimulate your passion?   Buy a $2.00 set of children's watercolors and  let your creativity erupt.  There is nothing that triggers a desire to go fishing like finding a new lure or a new wilderness spot.  Challenge yourself to find one "how to" book on something someone said you might not like.  You will be surprised how wrong they were.  
Challenge yourself.   Do it today, tomorrow and even the following day.  Make it fun.  Make it worthwhile.  Make it personal.  Most of all make it fun and easy.  Enjoy one challenge and find out how enjoyable it can be to do it again and again.  Then stand back and look at what occurs and smile.  You Did It. 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/challenge

Anger Management- Sit Down and Think

Both my sister and my daughter shared this on Facebook.  I couldn't help but chuckle, and I hope you do too.  I know, beside the cute puppies, what I liked about this is that I could relate.  Admit it,  you have probably wished more than once that you could get away doing just this very thing to a someone you are angry with.  I know I have, more than once.  (More times than I would like to admit.)  


The message though is so true.  It does help to sit down and think about the problem.  What is it you are angry about?  Experience has shown me that it is rarely what I initially tell myself I am angry about.  When I take the time to sit and think about the situation it is a feeling that was triggered, a memory that surfaced, the way I perceived the situation or a belief which was challenged.   I learned many years ago, that if I say I am angry at someone or with someone, it is never about them.  It is always about me.  Taking the time to sit and think allows the initial feeling of anger to dissipate so I can recognize the true feeling of disappointment, frustration, annoyance or hurt that is beneath the surface.  Taking the time to sit and think allows you the chance to look at the situation or other person with a clearer view.  Are you angry with other person because of something you believe they did or said, or are you angry with yourself for allowing the other person to do or say something or act in a way that triggered something within you don't like. 
Once you have identified the deeper feeling, you can move forward in dealing with the anger.  Take a few moments longer to sit and think about the problem.  What can you do about the situation? Can you make it better ?  Can you make a change so the situation or person is more tolerable?  Or is this one of those times when there is nothing you can do but accept what is until a change occurs? 

If you have found your answer you can get up and move.  Release the feelings and let them go.   Release the feelings about the other person and let them move on either with you or away from you.  Get up and get away from the problem .  Find or seek out what gives you peace, joy and happiness.


I hope the next time you are angry, you can remember this picture.  Maybe it will give a moment to feel laughter instead of anger.  Maybe it will be a reminder to tackle the problem in a different way.  Maybe it will remind you to stop, take a breath and think before reacting.  What ever it does for you is perfect.    Have fun and stay happy.