Stress Less - Trust More

Yesterday I was informed that my well paying job is definitely going to end in the next few months.  The first step is that my hours are cut by more tan half to only 20 hours a week. Then the job will be phased out in the next few weeks or months.  I could see the signs but hoped we could find a different solution (more contract work, more research to support sales, assisting marketing, QA testing of the new features...).  

Because I am not typical, and my first thought was how this would affect others, I went to the sales manager of our branch office to let him know the schedule change so he could work with the other members of his sales team in scheduling when contracts can be sent and prepared.  (You see one of the things some of my co-workers and employer have never fully grasped, is that one of my greatest work strengths is that I think and care about what is best for the company before I think about what is best for me.)

Then I began to stress.  How am I going to pay the bills with only half a salary?  I can barely make ends meet now?  I have used up all my savings, so there is nothing to fall back on.  My net income with the reduced salary will barely cover the mortgage payment, so how am I going to pay utilities, car payment, insurances, etc?    I am at the age when most people are retiring, but I have just committed to raising a four and five year old for many years to come.  The job market for people my age is limited as many employers are hesitant to hire older people.  Yesterday there were a lot of things I could think of to stress over, these being only a few thoughts.

However, as I have learned, the best thing that stress does is get our mind moving.  It is our choice which way we let the stress direct us.  Stress can lead to depression, despair, a feeling of uselessness or failure, feelings of loneliness or looking for ways to numb the pain and thoughts. On the other hand stress can also lead to improvements, self-evaluation, changes, new ideas, different actions, new decisions and creativity.  Part of the reason I can clearly see both options is that I have traveled both sides many times, and have learned, at least for myself, it is okay to feel the stress, even to experience the despair and negative thoughts for a short period, as long as in the end I choose to walk, march or even run down the side that leads to new opportunities and choices.

So at this moment in life I get to choose.  Today my choice is to trust more.  I choose to trust that the situation is/will be for my benefit and the benefit of my family in the end. I trust that a higher source (my Father in Heaven) knows what lies ahead and will bless me and my family as needed.   I choose to trust that I will be able to find ways to work within what financial means I am still blessed with.  I choose to trust I am wise enough to make good choices and strong enough to make the choices work.  I choose to trust my family to understand that changes may need to be made in responsibilities, time and effort by them as well as myself.  I trust that as I open myself to learning and new ideas the teachers/mentors will appear,  I will recognize them as such and trust their advice or guidance.

I invite you to journey with me as I remember, share and practice life skills as I move through the next few weeks.  Together I know all will be well.

Oh, What the Hey..

Oh, What The Hey, Go For It Anyway!

It has been many years now since I learned this saying.  Over the years I have found myself using it many times.  When my children and grandchildren first heard me speak these words, they thought it was cute, another silly thing about grandma they could share at my funeral some day.  Years have passed since the first time they heard me utter these words, and now they laugh for a different reason, when they find themselves occasionally hearing the words of permission, trust and freedom coming from their own mouth. 

When I first heard the words, I never imagined what could happen by using them..  Now as I reflect on how often, when and where I have used these few words I understand more fully the power they hold.  Today, I feel blessed and honored that someone chose to share these few words with me.

The first time I used these words was while shopping.  I found myself looking at something I wished I could buy while at the same time giving myself a list of reasons I shouldn't or couldn't buy it (money is tight, you haven't paid all the bills yet and can't know if you will have enough, the kids need shoes or clothes more than you need this,  it is more than you planned on spending...).  Previous to learning these words, as soon as the list of reasons not to buy would begin, I would walk away, believing it was impossible and denying myself whatever pleasure I thought the item would bring for myself or others.   One day though I found these words coming to mind.  More importantly I remembered being challenged to try out the words and see what happened.  So I said the words out loud - "What the Hey, Go For It Anyway" and bought the item.  I don't remember what it was, I know it wasn't something big.  What I do remember is the feeling of joy at doing something good for myself.  The world did not end because I bought something extra.  The children did not go without dinner because I had used an extra few dollars that day.  I was not struck by lightning for making a bad decision or being selfish. 

I began to use the words in other circumstances.  "What The Hey, Go For It Anyway" meant it was OK to buy a pair of shoes as well as the pair of boots for one of the children even if I didn't know how I was going to pay the electric bill the following week.  The words meant the children and I went to a movie even though I was worried about money because my employment contract was ending soon.   I used the words as permission to take a risk in submitting resumes to larger corporations than I had worked with in the past.    Each time I used the phrase, I found things seemed to work out.  If I spent a few dollars more here I found I chose to save a few dollars somewhere else.  If I spent time doing something I liked, I spent less time worrying about what I couldn't do.   Taking an employment risk was hard but I learned a new business skill. 

Through the years I have learned over and over the power of these few words -"What The Hey, Go For It Anyway".  It means trusting that things will work out even if you do not understand how or when.   It means trusting that taking a risk will bring unexpected results.   These words remind one it is OK to have belief in and put  trust in a higher power, energy, knowledge or source of strength.   These words allow a person to trust and believe in  himself,.  These words give permission to experience freedom,  to relax, to stop worrying and to let go.  They empower someone to reach out for something higher, something new.  These words contain the energy to move, run, play, try, progress and grow.

It is my wish today to pass these words on to you. I encourage you to use them at least once during the next week.  See if these simple few words will make a difference in your life.  I know they have in mine. 

Want It More

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

What do you want?  Do you want to learn new skills?  Do you want to change a habit?   do you want to meet someone? Do you want to try something you have never tried before?  Do you want to buy something?  Do you want to go somewhere?  Do you want to change employment?  Do you want to start your own business?  Do you want to share with someone? 

We all have wants.  Wants may appear in many forms.  We may get an idea, have a dream, feel a yearning, make a wish or see something we hadn't noticed or thought about before.  Some days they wait patiently to be acknowledged.  Other days they demand to be noticed, felt or acted upon.  Rarely, once acknowledged, if not acted upon, they will slip away and be replaced by a new want. More often, if not acted upon, wants have a tendency to make us feel uneasy, unhappy or uncomfortable with what we presently have or what we are presently doing. They push us to try, experiment, move, reach out, expand, learn and grow.

There may be many reasons we do not act to fulfill our wants and wishes.  One of the biggest reasons I have heard from people I know, and I face myself, is fear.  I have heard fear defined as "False Evidence Appearing Real".  My Merriam Webster Dictionary defines fear as "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat". However you define pain, it is something that often gets in our way of acting on or fulfilling our wants and wishes to have, to be, to improve or to accomplish something of worth, value or excellence.  

The advice above has come to mind many times over the past year as I have been faced with challenges and decisions.  I wanted a new home of our own.  My biggest fear was that I would get locked into a mortgage and then be unable to pay for it in the future because of a change in income.  I had to decide that I wanted a home we could call our own more than I was afraid of the possibility of change of employment or means of supporting my family.  As a result we were blessed to find a wonderful home we all enjoy.   Just this month I had to decide joining a local writing group and learning from other writers was more important to me than the fear of rejection or misunderstanding. 
As a result I enjoyed a wonderful writer's conference and met some people I am eager to have more contact with. 

I encourage you today to empower yourself. Look at the things you want, decide what is most important to you right now and then push through the wall of fear that has blocked your way.  Want it more than you are afraid. You deserve to enjoy the pleasures, growth and excitement that will come your way.  . 

Doing Your Best

"If you are doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure." - H. Jackson Brown.

The first thing I note in this quote is that we have to be "doing".   It doesn't say we can just be wishing, hoping, waiting or trying.  It says we must be doing our best. We must be engaged in something. 

Second, it doesn't define what best is.  It says "your best" and the only one that can measure "your best" is you. Every person is unique. Everyone has their own personal measure of when they are best in a particular area. Even individually, best is not the same in all areas of our life.  One definition for best is "that which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable". Anytime you find yourself saying "I can do better" take it as a personal clue you are not performing at your best.  Then step up, do more and enjoy the pleasure of feeling you are outstanding.   

Third, if you are doing your best you cannot be experiencing failure.  Best is defined as "that which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable."   Failure is defined as "lack of success" or "omission of expected or required action".   Excellence and lack cannot exist at the same time.  Anytime you are doing your best, by your own definition, you are succeeding.  If you are doing your best you are acting excellent, which means you are performing expected or required action.   

Remember, that the word best is often a comparative term.  Be careful to avoid comparing yourself to others.  As I said, no one can define "your best" but you. No two people can be best at the same thing, but two people can be doing their best in the same area and both be considered excellent.  It is okay for two people to be doing their best and not be at the same level of excellence.  One person, such as a concert pianist,  may have had years of practice, opportunities and skill building experience and his personal best is personally defined at a high level of performance.  The second person, a beginning music student,  may be taking the first steps to developing the skill or talent and his best is exactly what he is presently doing with the learning and practice he now has.

Don't be discouraged by people who say you can never be or be at "your best".  Remember that "you best" is also a measure of where you are at one particular moment.  Being best right now does not mean you cannot or should not improve or change.  The definition of better as "more excellently or effectively" offers the hope.  You may be excellent at what you are doing today.  Tomorrow or the next, with time and practice you may become more excellent and your personal best may reach a new lever.  On the other hand, tomorrow may bring challenges and different circumstances. Your benchmark may shift to a lower level, but still be considered excellent. The track star running on a dry field may have a record of two minutes for today, but his best time may be closer to three minutes tomorrow and still be considered excellent or his best because tomorrow the track was muddy and slippery after the rain,

My encouragement to you is to strive to be your best at whatever you are doing or whoever you are at this time   Don't worry if you do not perform or act as someone else you see or hear about.   Decide each day what is your best for that day, and enjoy being or doing the best you can in any moment.  Look at your accomplishments today.  Remember success and failure cannot coexist. 

In Three Words

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - It Goes On." - Robert Frost

It certainly does.  Life goes on whether we want it to or not.  Sometimes we are glad it moves and other times we may regret that it moves so quickly.  Yet no matter what we wish, it continues to go on with or without our permission or opinions.

So what do we do about it?  We allow it to go on while doing the best we can in each given moment.  We allow ourselves to be whoever and whatever we are at the time, whether it is our best, worst or average.  We don't judge either the moment or ourselves as good or bad. We allow life to go on, understanding and knowing that in the end it really doesn't matter because, since life does go on, there is always another chance, another beginning or even another ending coming.

You are proof that life does go on and that whatever it takes or brings along with it is OK.  How can I say this?  Because you and I are OK.  We are living our lives individually and alongside each other.  We may have different experiences, perspectives, ideas and beliefs, but we have all experience growth due to the movement of time.  We have grown from infants to toddlers to children to teens and become either a young or older adult.  None of us were able to stop life from going forward in our past anymore than we can now stop it from continuing now.  So we might as well enjoy the journey and move along with life as it unfolds.  Take the time to enjoy and remember moments, for when life seems to be moving too fast it will be those moments and memories that will make it OK. 

Express Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it:" - Unknown

I have found this quote several times during the last week while browsing the internet as part of a personal project at work.  Each time I read it brings to mind something I have not expressed gratitude for lately.  It is a reminder to me to notice and express pleasure in little things that happen I may not do otherwise.  There is encouragement in this quote to share and talk with others about the positive things in life.

Gratitude begins with a feeling of appreciation  which until it is expressed in some manner, be it through song, written word or verbal announcement, it stays within.  We can choose to stay focused inside ourselves or decide to reach out and share with others.  This is the moment when the feeling turns from appreciation to gratitude, h from a recognition of something pleasant to being thankful.   The next natural step is the joy that comes from allowing someone else, in even a small way, to share your happiness and perhaps be encouraged to look at their own circumstances for blessings and the good they are surrounded by. 

I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect on your life. What are the things you enjoy doing, having or learning?  Who are the people that make a difference in or touch your life?  What talents, skills or special knowledge do you have?  What activities do you participate in that make your life better, richer or more meaningful?  What things do you own or use that someone else might not have or would like to have?  Are there places you go that bring you pleasure?  Do you believe in a higher source of power, inspiration or guidance? How is your health or how do the systems and parts of your body work from day to day? 

Now find a way to express the feelings you have.  Write a poem.  Dance with a family member.  Sing a song.  Tell someone you care.  Send a letter to someone.  Draw a picture.  Shout out your feelings.  Express your thoughts in prayer.  However you choose to do it, enjoy and give away the gift of gratitude. 

Enjoy the Little Things - Now

Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

I can truly echo this statement, for through my own experiences I have learned the importance of looking for and enjoying the little things as they happen.  We cannot recapture the moments and time moves forward whether we want it to or not.  What we do not appreciate and enjoy now can only be remembered later. 

Even when we know we should be enjoying the little things we do not always do so.  We may be so focused on something else in the moment that we barely react.  A mother, busy tying a shoe for a toddler may offer her cheek for a goodbye kiss from a spouse or another child as they leave, accepting the action as something small and routine for each of them.  The underlying steady love, appreciation and support may not fully be appreciated until later, when the children or spouse are no longer willing or present to share their love on a daily basis.

In our busy, active lives we schedule the activities and appointments that demand our attention or we are afraid may be forgotten.  While these places to be and things to do seem of the most importance, it is really the small things, unwritten, occurring between the lines that end up being the big things, the things remembered. .  Making sure you get the child to the game on time is important, right now, but what he will remember isn’t whether you made it early or late, but rather the talks that occurred during those rides or the ice cream after a loss.   Your daughter won’t remember whether you were late for a parent-teacher conference or a dance lesson but she will remember hearing you express your pride in her for the talents and skills you know she has. 

Sometimes it is our perceptions that hamper us from enjoying the little things.  As a mother, you pick up the crayons and torn crumpled piece of paper with what to your adult eyes appears to be nothing more than scribbles of lines and shapes with no meaning.  To you it is simply another piece of paper to be thrown away, until the little boy comes running in.  He is excited you found his drawing and boisterously explains what the lines, spaces, shapes and colors represent. A small piece of paper changes, with understanding, into his masterpiece for the day, a true work of art to be cherished.

 As our lives change we realize some of the small things we may have taken for granted in the past.   A frazzled mother, surrounded by screaming toddlers racing past her, looks back to a time when they slept peacefully for hours at a time, or forward a few hours to the hope of the quiet after bedtime.  The father who reluctantly played catch with a little boy one night now stands surrounded by the trophies the gift of a few minutes resulted in.  An aging grandparent reminisces about days of cookie covered tables, paper creations and chocolate covered faces as she listens on the phone to a grandchild tell her about his latest school project. 

At times we simply do not appreciate the little things until we recognize that the small things we take for granted are or would be the big things to someone else.  A father complains about how expensive it is to feed and clothe a child until the childless couple next door asks if  he will allow them to be a Secret Friend because they just want to share their love with the children they know and care about.   A mother apologizes for the crayon and sticky fingerprints on the wall  and the toys on the floor until  the visitor she thought she needed to impress begins crying and explains she lost a child to illness and wishes she could experience the wonder of wall art, growth prints and learning objects again. 

Whether small or big, I encourage us all to experience these things now.  Enjoy the moments of your life now, and reflect joyfully on them later.