Can't Complain

You Cannot Complain About What You Allow

I hear you.  "Dang! That's not fair."  I know.  Putting this into practice in your life definitely reduces, in fact almost eliminates,  the things you can complain about. Why?   The truth is we often allow things to happen or choose to ignore something until the ripple of results show up in a way we don't like, didn't expect or wish we could change. When the ripples settle we often feel complaining somehow makes it easier or will make it go away. 
The truth is we are the ones, one way or another, that create our results.  Something we did, chose or allowed created what we now have to deal with.  Complaining will not change anything now, but making a different choice usually will. 
For instance, I do not get to complain about a son-in-law blaming me for not communicating with his daughter over the past few months when I chose, in order to protect his daughter, to not correct his perception of the situation by telling him all the facts and correcting the half-truths he had been told.  In making that choice I also allowed him to be abusive to me in front of his grandchildren and scaring them, so after he left, I could not complain when they were excessively clinging to me for the rest of the afternoon and wanting my reassurance everything was OK, they were safe and I was not hurt. 
I cannot complain that it is unfair to me after more than a year taking care of my granddaughter and her children, a state agency may consider placing the children with a father who has offered support only if it did not cost him anything, when I myself did not contact him about financially assisting but rather depended on my granddaughter to ask him, knowing he would refuse, if for no other reason than to hurt her.  So as unfair, as it seems, I cannot complain now about his belief he should not have to support his children when I have proven all this time I could do it without his help.  So now, instead of complaining, I need to stand up allow him to take part financially in caring for what he has been a part of creating and allowing.    I might be able to complain if I learn a government agency is more concerned with the rights of the parents than the well-being of the children, unless I do not now, to the best of my ability, stand up for the interests of the children.  Right now instead of complaining I need to reach out for help in protecting the children from further harm, abuse or loss of safety and stability.  
This is a hard subject for me to write about right now, as there are alot of things going on in my own personal life I wish I could complain about.  However, it is also a perfect time for me to write about this as a personal reminder to be aware of what I choose and what I allow to happen to and around me, especially those things which may have consequences- either good or bad- in the future I may have the opportunity to experience in one way or another.  What I allow at this time will influence the situations, people or results that I can or cannot complain about later. 
Complaining does no good.  I am trying to teach an emotional 3 year-old that principle right now.  It does not do any good to complain or cry about something we did wrong or didn't go the way we wanted or an accident.   What does help is to stop complaining, say I am sorry and find a way to make things better.  She can't fix a broken balloon she fell on while she was breaking the rules by running instead of walking through the frontroom.  Complaining and crying won't make the balloon come back, but maybe, if she picks up the pieces and puts them away and then cleans up her room she can earn two pennies to buy a new ballon with.   
Take a chance today to look at what you want to complain about.  How did it result or come about? If you allowed it to occur, you cannot complain.   If you  had no part of it, then how did you become involved?  Why is it something you want to complain about?   However it happened, it did.  So let it go.  Now look at what you can do to improve the present moment or the ones to come.  You have heard me say it before, Smile and move forward.

Make Your Own Sunshine

       There are some days when life just doesn't seem like their is anything to smile about.  The skies are cloudy, the weather is cold, the world outside the window is hazy or foggy and the day holds nothing but tasks and responsibilities. Everything looks gray and depressing, so you allow your feelings of being overwhelmed, tired, listless or sad to govern your thoughts and actions.   Perhaps because you are not at your best your children respond to match your mood, quarreling, crying, misbehaving or demanding extra attention.  


Tulip Delight (MS ClipArt, Online)

     You could choose to stay in this state of mind and body if you wanted, but there is another solution.  Sometimes you have to make your own sunshine.   If the sun doesn't seem to want to shine, it does not have to mean you have to stay in the dark.  You can create your own form of sunshine that changes drab to bright, dark to light and gloomy to happy. 
      It all starts with a smile.  You cannot smile and be sad at the same time.  So turn up the corners of your mouth and smile.  Now find someone to smile at or a reason to smile.
     Change your perspective. If the baby spilled his cereal all over his high chair tray this morning and made a mess you had to clean up, think about his laughter or the fun he had before you cleaned it up as he splashed the milk around and made patterns across the tray.    What was a mess to you was another opportunity of play for him.  Follow his example and create some fun. Give the children some blank paper and crayons and tell them to draw a sun and their favorite thing from outside, then tape them on  a window to look at instead of the gray fog.
      Turn on some music, then tap your foot. dance or sing as you perform your next task. Listen to a favorite record or CD, or turn on the radio and guess what kind of song the DJ will play next. Instill some rhythm to your day.
      Shine something.  I know that sounds silly, but it works.  Take a rag, some soap & water or a spray bottle of cleaner and find something to clean.  The act of wiping and polishing will naturally increase your energy and the pride at making even one thing shine will add a sparkle to your mood.
       Do something silly to start you laughing.   One woman I knew cut the comics from the morning paper.  Then she posted one on every door of her home.  Each time she opened a door she had something she could either laugh or think about to stay positive.   
       You know you better than I do.  You know what makes you happy and changes your mood.  These are  just suggestions that have worked for others.   Be creative and find your own way.  The idea is to know, when life seems less than perfect you have the power to add some sunshine and brighten it back up.  So go.  Do it.  Create a little sunshine, Right Now, Right Where You Are.