Change Your Mindset - Experience Hope

This poster, which someone posted to Facebook last year, is a great reminder to think about how we talk about life as it happens to us or around us.  Do you, like I, sometimes catch yourself feeling as though there is no end to the troubles or no way you can accomplish something?  Have you ever been stuck in any of the feelings on the white squares?  I know I have, sometimes for several days at a time. If you are anything like me, those feelings and words are energy draining.   

So, what do I do? I look around me for the good. It is always there, waiting for me to acknowledge that hope exists.  Then I, as this suggests, change the words I use.  In my experience you can't describe something good in a negative way.   Once I find something good in the circumstances, hope seems to expand to crowd out the negative and gratitude soon follows  

Would you mind if I share a few examples? Thank you.    

• I don't understand why my daughter must be sick so much, it doesn't seem fair.  On the other side, isn't it wonderful that she is here as an extra source of love for other family members?
• I give up.  My books aren't selling as I want. I can't write consistently because family circumstances keep getting in the way. However, writing feels exciting. Writing is one way I can reach out to others and offer encouragement. If my words touch one person to make their day a little better my efforts are of worth.  
• I can't make this any better.  Maybe I can't today and that is okay.  If I stop, for a moment and reflect, I recognize that what I have is already of value, already good.  If it weren't I wouldn't care about changing it. The good in the moment is the belief that change is possible. 
• I'm not good at this. Really? Not good or didn't I get the result I expected.  The good is I tried and learned. I may have learned something new or I may have learned something about myself, my wants, needs or feelings.  So maybe I wasn't as good as someone else in this subject or project, but I am good at learning, and can now make an informed choice whether to continue or try something else. 

I hope you will take a few moments to think about how your words affect you and how you can change how you use words.  Challenge yourself to change your mindset from negative to positive, from limiting to encouragement.   Let me know how it works for you. 

 

 I love this poster I found on Facebook. It hit home with me because I learned a long time ago that this is the best way for me to live my life. Others may disagree with me, but I share with hope it will make a difference for you. 

For me, challenges come frequently. Most days I have no idea what the day will bring or the mood of the people in my life. Many days, just making it to the end of the day can be a challenge in itself.

One thing I have learned to do is look for the good in the day or a moment. I seldom fail when looking, at the end of the day, to find a moment I can smile about. The older child had a difficult day, full of hateful words, frustration and chaos, but between these times of trial, there was a smile when she won a game or a smile when she ate a popsicle.    The younger child may have cried about nearly everything that happened, but I remember the laughter when the "Tickle Monster" threatened to find a smile inside. Yes, the day was full of interruptions and unplanned family needs, but among the needs fulfilled there was a chance to make a difference, change a mind, give encouragement, and offer a special act of love.  Perhaps I didn't get all the work done I had planned, but I did call a friend, sent a letter to a client, researched a question and attended a writing workshop.   

Today I challenge you to live only for today. No matter how your day ends, take a moment, and find a positive thought to end the day with. Look for a single moment that was worth remembering. For some, it may be just recognizing you got up today, brushed your hair, or took one more step today than yesterday.

Better Than Yesterday

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday." Unknown

In my opinion, this quote contains, in few words, advice and wisdom everyone can use.

First it reminds us to not compare ourselves with others.  Comparing just emphasizes the perceived difference without taking into account the circumstances.  I recently was reminded of how quickly comparing ourselves to others can increase stress or depression, and lower self esteem. No two people are alike in every aspect of their being or circumstances, so comparison is never completely equal and always based on perception.    

Second it reminds us to look at who we were, are and who we might become or be.  What do we see in ourself that gives us joy?  What makes us feel fulfilled and of worth?  What are the traits we already possess we don't want or need to improve on?   What lessons, good or bad, have been important in assisting us in becoming the person we are today?    Is there something we think we could still learn or grow from?  Is there a talent, skill or personality trait we would like to build on or change in some way?  Do we even need to be better today than yesterday?  Everyday does not have to be a forward step.  I don't know about you, but I know I have days where just standing still and enjoying who and where I am at the moment without any change is a perfect day.    

Third it encourages us to keep looking for ways to improve ourselves.  It leaves the choice up to each person as to what we think would or could be better.  It doesn't have to be big.  Maybe it is a simple as smiling a little more today than yesterday. Maybe today we exercise one minute more than yesterday.  Maybe today is the day for a change in the color of lipstick or the cologne worn in order to lift a spirit.  Perhaps today is the day a new chapter in life begins.  There is always a way to move, and the choice, big or little, forward or back, is ours to make. 

I hope each of us can take a moment to see the good in ourselves and decide if we are great as we are or if we want to make an improvement.   Share what you find, either here or with a friend.  

Trust is Like A Paper

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumpled it can't be Perfect again."

I came across this quote in the spring of 2017 as I was reflecting on this blog. I thought about this often during the year as it applied to different members of my family and as different situations arose in relationships.   As I did I found, while I agreed with the thought that like the crumpled paper, trust might never be what it was before,  I believed strongly in the belief that it was still of value and worth trying to salvage. .   Just because trust had been crumpled and now had some wrinkles did not mean it's value was lost forever or it couldn't be used again or even recycled into something even more valuable to a relationship.

Trust is generally defined as :" firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something"  (Webster online dictionary)

While this definition may be generally accepted as what trust is, trust is much harder to explain.  Trust is based on fragile feelings which can change in an instant.  Trust can exist one moment and be lost the next as a result of a single choice.  Trust can be lost even when the decisions involved were made for the right reasons at the time or under the best circumstances.   Trust can also be regained just as quickly through communication and understanding.

This past year has been an up and down journey in trust with one of my granddaughters, particularly during times of strain between her and other family members, when they desired to shake the trust bonds between each of us.  Who was I was to believe or trust?  Did I trust my own feelings and experience in the situations or what others believed or  had been told?  As I reflect at the end of the year I can see that trust, not only with this granddaughter, but also other family members, looks much like the paper above.  Trust is not the perfect form many expect it to be, but is still whole.  It has some wrinkles but is still useful.  In some ways it is even less bland and more beautiful to look at because of the different lines and wrinkles that were not there before.

I encourage you to look at how trust works in your own life?  It is solid and perfect with some people while wrinkled and well used with others?  Although it has been changed, does it still exist in a new form?  What were the lessons learned, shared or created in the time between thinking something was destroyed and the process of  smoothing out or recycling the relationship?  Only you have the answers for you.

Failure - 12 Quotes to Help You Move On

We all have times when we feel like our efforts are or have not gotten the results we may have hoped or dreamed about.  When these times occur we too often decide we have failed or, worse yet, call ourselves a failure.   We know the truth is that failure is only a perception - something we see in comparison at the moment.    Because life has thrown some family challenges my way the past few days, I have been tempted to feel I have failed, and other members are expressing the feeling of being failures because of choices made, I want to take time today to send some quotes I have found that hopefully will help each of  us. 


Failure doesn't mean  you are a failure.  It just means  you haven't succeeded yet. - Robert H Schuller
 

Failure comes only when we forget our ideals and objectives and principles.  - Jawaharlal Nehru

 It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not lived at all.  In which case, you've failed by default.  J. K Rowling

 

Don't fear failure.  The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions:  Could Have, Might Have, and Should Have.

 

It is better to end something and start another than to imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.  -quotes101.net

Fear regret more than failure - Taryn Rose

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.  - Thomas A. Edison

The Master has failed more times than the Beginner has even tried.

 Sometimes People call me a success for all the reasons that make me think I'm a failure.  - William Hurt

All people fail at certain instance in their lives., the only thing that makes them different is… how they manage to stand up or how they choose to fail again.


Failure is simply the opportunity to Begin Again, this time more intelligently.  -Henry Ford

Failure is a Bruise not a Tattoo - Jon Sinclair

Failure is an event, not a person.  Yesterday ended last night.  Zig Ziglar

Sometimes- Do What's Best for You

Sometimes you have to do whats best for you and your life not what's best for everyone else.



This is really appropriate for me right now.  It is a reminder to fill my own bucket with love and good moments so that I have a reserve I can use for others.

For me, that means I work on getting some of my stories ready to publish and not worry about whether the house is in the best shape it could be. It means I don't feel guilty about taking myself to lunch at an inexpensive restaurant.  It means I choose to not feel guilty about going to see my parents because it means the family will need to wait an extra hour or two for dinner.  It means getting up early to take a bubble bath alone, lighting only a single candle and playing some soothing music.  It means buying a new CD to listen to on the way to work instead of the news or traffic reports.   It even means volunteering to be on the board of the HOA. (OK, that one will take some explaining at a later date.)

So why are these little breaks and changes important to me?  Because they evoke a change. A relaxing bath alone allows me to relax muscles tightening from stress or pent up feelings.  A soothing bath for me is the best place to allow tears to flow and mingle with the calm around me.  When I emerge from the tub, I am relaxed and  can handle the interruptions and demands with more patience and understanding instead of instantly reacting.  Taking myself to lunch interrupts the pressures and stress of an especially frantic, eventful day. The hour it takes to be served and eat allows enough time to focus on something beside the office politics. I can back away from the issues and see where or with whom the problem lies and disengage myself  from trying to make everything better or take blame for something that wasn't my problem in the first place.  I can then return to work, be more supportive of finding a solution and look at options instead of just reacting to what was said or done.     Whenever I visit  my parents, I always seem to leave with a feeling that I can handle whatever life throws me.  It is not always something they necessarily say or do, but when I see them I am reminded that struggles come and go, and all we really need to do is just keep doing and being our best. 

The point is, for even a few minutes, once in a while it is OK to think of yourself first, and the important people of your life second.  It is OK to handle your stress, depression, mood or feelings.  It is OK to find a refreshing release from the pressures of work, family, church or self-expectations for short moments so that you can come back to all of these things with a fresh attitude or perspective.  It is OK to fill your bucket with love, peace and happiness.  When you do you have something to share with others.  When you fill your bucket with things that make you feel good, it will naturally, without effort spill over to others around you. 

Cultivating an Attitude of Happiness

Happiness cannot really be defined.  It is a state of being or a feeling we each decide for ourselves.  Since we are all unique and special  we each define and seek happiness differently.     What makes me feel happy may or may not be on someone else's list  or give them the exact same warm, fuzzy feeling(s).  What someone else feels is needed before they can say they are happy may be something I have not even thought of or doesn't seem important to me.

Happiness is generally defined as "a feeling of being happy."  What happy is for each of us is just as undefinable, but is often seen as a moment of enjoyment.   That enjoyment may encompass a variety of other pleasant feelings, including (among other feelings): peace, joy, cheerfulness, satisfaction and pleasure.  Happiness is changeable.  What we define as happiness one day may, based on circumstances, feel like something we are still seeking the next day.

While happiness is hard to pin down, we each still seek to find and hold on to that state of being or feeling.  Happiness is an attitude we choose to adopt.  Our end goals or perceptions may vary but the things we do to find  personal happiness are often very similar.  Below is a list of a few things I have found are common ways we cultivate happiness.  I feel certain, if you are or have experienced happiness, whether the feeling was short or lingering, you used one or more of these life skills.

1. 1. Savor the moment - experience one positive moment.  No matter what else seems to be going on, look for and find one thing that makes the moment memorable. 
2. Connect with others - experiencing the support from or a connection with another person can make problems more bearable or put concerns and worries in perspective
3. Curtail comparisons - stop judging yourself or others based on what you think you see.  Let go of what you think is perfect.
4. Practice non-judgemental awareness - Remember we are all doing our best in the moment  Give yourself and others a break. 
5. Cultivate realistic thinking-  Balance your thoughts and thinking.  Be aware of the possibility of outcomes but also realize and know you have coping skills to deal with, overcome or even avoid those outcomes 
6. Develop self-care practices - Take care of yourself.  Integrate habits and routines in your life which keep you healthy,  both physically, mentally and spiritually.
7. Simplify - Choose easy. Reinvent your life to decrease stress and personal pressures. 
8. Have fun and laugh -   Allow yourself the freedom to enjoy-  Read or tell a joke.  Decide to do something out of the ordinary.  Play a game, run a race, watch a  parade or simply go for a walk.  
9. Share Gratitude- Recognize what you already have- Thank someone for something they have done. Look for and see the good that already exists for and around you. 
10. Live a meaningful and authentic life - Be true to yourself and your values. Be who you are, not who you or someone else thinks you should be. 

Cultivate Happiness in your life.  Dig  down in your thoughts and plan the garden you would like to enjoy.  Plant seeds of satisfaction and gratitude.  Nurture and care about your feelings, wishes and desires.  Allow time for growth.  Weed out the negative. Watch for the buds to appear and celebrate the opening petals of joy.    Then enjoy the beauty of happiness.